Today: Shopping, Venting, Watching

Okay, I’m writing today because, once again, my mother has insulted someone that I care about a lot without getting to know them.

She makes me so mad. Today, at the mall, I called her to ask her a question about a bathing suit that I wanted to buy (it looks really good by the way), and then I tell her that Neal is coming over.

Neal, my boyfriend, one of the most trustworthy people that I know.

My mother says: “Well, can you lock our bedroom door?”

“Why?”

“We just like it locked when people are going to be coming and going through the house.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure he’s gonna be in my sight the whole time.”

“Still, I just want to be careful.”

Excuse me? How dare you insult my boyfriend! She basically called him a thief and a liar through being indirect. By doing so, she insults me and the choices I make on who I keep close to me.

I’m not exactly sure how I feel about this. No, that’s a lie. I am livid. I’m more than livid. This is why I never tell her anything. This is why I never confide in her at all! And Frank! Don’t even get me started on him! He won’t stick up for me. He’ll just agree with her and then tell me how awful I am or how much I need to change.

I can’t wait until I’m financially stable and don’t have to deal with them.

The worst part is, they don’t even know they’re doing it.

I’m not going to rant on this whole blog about this. There’s a lot of things I want to talk about. The first and foremost is my date tomorrow!

Neal and I are going to go to Greenfield Village! It’s been so long since I’ve gone there so I’m sort of really excited for it. I can’t wait to share it with him. After we go hang out at the interactive museum, we’ll probably come back to my home.

I’m making tacos. I’ve already made dessert. It’s strawberries all chopped up drizzled with milk and dark chocolate.

After dinner, we’ll probably go hang out in the hot tub for a while.

Like I said it should be a good night. The only time we’ll be apart is when we change, and he will stay downstairs.

So, I’m not locking the fucking door. I don’t care if you don’t trust my boyfriend, but I do, and that should be enough for you. Particularly if you know me, and know that I don’t fuck around with whom I choose to be close to me.


Something interesting happened to me at the mall today! I met these guys, they're a band called "Royal Hoax." They're actually not bad and they give a bit of the money they earn to charity to feed people. Well, I got sucked in. The guy told me, for $20, I get a T-shirt, a CD, and donate three meals to people who need it. So I did it. I gave them the $20 and then on top of my sweet new CD and T-shirt, I get free tickets to a concert of theirs in Grand Rapids! Hooray!

Anyways. I had a small adventure today, looking around for condoms. I felt a bit awkward standing in front of the Wall of Contraceptives at Meijer. I’m sure people were looking at me as I stood there and stared down my fate and texted Neal with my bunches of questions and insecurities.

I must admit, I felt a little bit more grown up walking out of Meijer with a pack of condoms in my hand.

I think I have to take this sex thing in baby steps and let my life and God lead me and let things happen the way they’re supposed to.

I’m up for another lonely night tonight… well, last night wasn’t too bad seeing as my puppy slept with me, but still. I texted Neal late into the night to procrastinate falling asleep in my bed here.  Not sure why, but it’s easier for me to sleep at school. This house just feels heavy when the lights go out, as if the negative feelings that have been culminated here over the years just manifests itself and walks around the house.

School is a much more positive experience. I don’t have to worry about anyone expecting me to be a completely different person, or anyone insulting those close to me.

I have to stop being so jaded.

Tonights plans are food and then finishing watching my Avatar the Last Airbender DVDs. I know I was thinking of doing a review on something, but I sort of don’t want to today.

Agh, I cannot wait until tomorrow. It is going to be a great day!

Love and Peace

Elle