I figure I should send an update out

You know, before my finals' week takes my life over.

First of all, I'd like to say how great a calendar is. I haven't realized how important having one in front of me is, but when I did my schedule, I realized that is where most of my stress was coming from. Because I didn't know when I had to do anything, it felt like I had to do it all at once.

Second of all, I still do have a lot of work to do, but since I'm staying at school (something I'll explain below) I will have time to finish studying and getting my papers done.

Okay, onto what has happened this past week.

Monday through Wednesday are a blur to be honest. Just finishing up assignments and ignoring what was waiting for me on Thursday.

Wait, that's a lie. I had some job training for Gymboree this Tuesday. It was a lot of fun, but I'm not exactly sure how to handle the little kids. That's a lie. I know how to handle little kids, but I'm not sure what is appropriate yet.

I guess I'm not how to teach children of that age.

However, it was interesting to see how they started to get bored with what was going on.

Little kids are strange, but a lot of fun.

Okay, besides that, fast forward to Thursday where I book a Gymboree training on top of my CoE advisor meeting. Guess which one I chose.

If you said CoE, you're right. Because, let's face it, my future as a teacher is more important than a job I'll probably end when I graduate.

My meeting went really great! My advisor is a pretty sweet person and on top of all of that we like the same types of books. So for the last ten minutes I gave her a list of authors she needed to check out and their books.

Something funny that happened that day. At the group advising session, I saw this girl who looked really familiar. We left before we could decide where we knew each other from. So later, I was thinking about it and I realized that we were in the same world children's literature class.

Then I felt sad because I would probably never see her again to tell her.

Guess who I saw in the CoE waiting room? That girl!

So we chatted until our advisors called us in.

Then leaving my advisor's room, I felt a little bit overwhelmed. I mean, I needed to take my basic skills test, get a TB test, and do a couple of other things until I get into the CoE. As I'm mulling this over, I wander to my car and look at the ground.

There sat two lucky pennies. Both heads up and everything. The firs thing that crossed my mind was: "Wow! This is going to be a great day!"

Then I get in my car.

Long story short, because anyone who's talked to me knows this already, my car would not go forward in drive, but would only go in reverse. So I backed into another parking spot and made a few calls.

Everyone who helped me out was actually really kind.

But it still sucked to not have a car. What sucked worse was that it was one of the reasons I was hired at Gymboree. I had a reliable vehicle and now that had blown up in my face.

However, time marches on and I found myself at home, frantically scrambling to reschedule training days with my boss at Gymboree. On top of that, I had to find a way home this weekend because I'm getting the IUD on Monday.

Without a car that would be hard to do. Even though both my dad and step-dad wouldn't have minded driving up to get me, I hate asking them to do that.

Well, this happens to be my weekend to work as well, so throughout the week I've been sending frantic emails out to try and get my shifts covered.

One girl, who I've always gotten a weird vibe from, said she'd take my Saturday shift. Which was great! However, she didn't sign a sub-slip and when I reminded her about she suddenly was busy.

Then for the Sunday shift, I had covered because I agreed to trade shifts with someone. That worked for about a day until I realized that my 6-9 overlapped with that and called it off.

So now the way it's looking is that I won't be able to go home until Sunday evening.

I suppose it's a good thing though. Because now I can break into Mak and steal a classroom for studying and writing a paper between working hours and Gymboree stuff.

Also, after my IUD on Monday, I hardly think I'll be fit to do a job well let alone take a final. I'd rather have enough time between final and the actual insertion to recover as much as I can (read: take really heavy painkillers) before having to go fail a final.

Anyway, back to my story. I finally get home and there's still a lot to do like go to my 6-9 and present to a group of people who don't care what I'm saying. It went well, and I got a couple of candy canes out of it. But I really really hate group presentations. I'd much rather have had to act out the right and wrongs of the usage of MI in schools than talk about it.

So after three hours of staring at a wall, we go home and by this time I'm on the verge of a panic attack.

How the hell am I going to do all this stuff?

In a way, it felt like I was being buried and there was nothing I could do about it. Or that I was in some pit and it was filling up with sand or water or whatever. Maybe oil, because you can't swim or stand on oil. Or like I was carrying this mountain and my knees were buckling.

I ate a fast dinner and ran up to my room to talk to the boyfriend. Usually he's good when I'm freaking out about something. I got a smug look and a "You shouldn't have picked up a second job right before finals." and then something like an "I told you so."

So helpful.

That's just what I needed.

So I took matters into my own hands and did the only thing I could do at that point. I started to cry. Because it hurt me that he was treating my predicament lightly, and because it was late and too late to do anything to make a dent in my work load and too late to get my car back, and too late to fix things so I could get a move on with job training.

I tried to be discreet, but that's not really my strong point. I think we both ignored the fact that I was crying and moved onto different topics. I had a feeling he didn't want to hear me complain about how busy my life was.

In between crying, I scheduled my Basic Skills test after freaking out a little about not being able to find a place to do it in time, and talked about non-consequential things with the boyfriend. We ended off on a slightly sour note because he called me a nag about food and I told him he was a jerk.

Then I went to bed. Let's face it, I was tired and worn out, and a bit disappointed with how the talk that was supposed to cheer me up went.

This morning, I woke up slowly. Like a sunrise over the mountains. You wait to make sure you're fully awake, but lay beneath the covers with your eyes closed trying to cling to the remnants of your dreams. I say it's like a sunrise over the mountains, because you don't really see the sun until it's over those snow-covered hills. The dew clings to the grass as if it could stay there forever.

But we know different. The sun always rises and burns it away.

After fully waking up, I laid there for a good hour or two. In all reality, I had so much to do that I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to deal with struggling over a schedule with Gymboree or figuring out disappointing news for Kleiner. I definitely didn't want to deal with dragging through psychology notes that only partially cover what will be on the test.

I think a few people called my phone, like my mom, and the car dealership, and my dad. None of that seemed more important than lying there and collecting my wits.

Then, slowly, I got myself together. I showered, learned about making a schedule, returned the calls, rescheduled things with Gymboree and got a ride to my car.

For lunch, I treated myself with pizza and finally got to hang out with Courage. Of course, we were studying the whole time, but it was nice to be in the same room with her and be able to chat every now and again between taking notes.

Hopefully next semester we'll see a bit more of each other... but probably not. Not with my three 400 level classes and jobs, and her 17 credits plus teacher assisting.

I think we have to cling to the moments we have with each other though, and enjoy them before they vanish. Because there is no doubt that they will leave you with nothing but your memories.

Anyway. I realized that I won't be able to see the Hobbit on the midnight release because I'll be sleeping to wake up early to get to my Basic Skills test.

However, I can see it on that friday when I've finished! You can bet your bottom dollar that is what I'll be doing! I know it'll be crowded and since I'll be east side, I'll probably be by myself, but I'm going to go.

Who knows? I might make some friends and we can geek out over everything.

Either way, I'm excited for next week to be over. During most of the waking hours of my life, I'm doing something. I think that Saturday, I'm going to do absolutely nothing but wander around my house pantsless.

Oh I forgot! During finals week I have to pack as much as I can, or at least bring home EVERYTHING so I know I won't forget anything when I go see the boyfriend.

On a final note, I'm planning on being busy this summer. I want to take up piano again because, if there's going to be a piano in the house, someone has to know how to play it. I also am going to learn how to shoot a gun with fair accuracy and take a physics course.

Since it's the summer, it shouldn't be as stressful as shit is here. In fact, everything will be for good fun. Maybe I'll be able to get into the church on decent hours, or a church or some place, and use their pianos for practice. It'll help me get over my fear of failing in front of people in any case.

So there you have it. A fairly accurate update of what went down this past week up until this point in time. You even got some thoughts for the future.

I have to go review some stuff before finishing off what I wanted to study for the night.
Love and Peace
Elie

It's been a while, but I'm procrastinating homework.

So you get an update!

Hooray!

This post is going to seem a bit scattered because I've only gotten four hours of sleep last night.

I've actually been busy with school and work so there wasn't much to update about besides "Oh I'm off to work and I still have this this and this to do."

On a different note, I'm getting really sick and tired of some of my friends' shit. I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to sit back and allow them to treat me like I'm just an acquaintance. If I wanted that, I'd go and hang out with acquaintances.

Today at work, early in the morning, a young woman came into the C-store, looked me in the eye and asked "Is this place open."

I must admit, the look I gave her wasn't the kindest. To my defense, it was about 7:45 in the morning and the only thing that was running through my mind was "If we weren't open would you have been able to walk through the door? If we weren't open, would you be seeing me, standing here behind the counter, dressed as I am (hat, gray campus dining shirt, apron, nametag, black pants, etc.) staring at you? What do you think?"

Not one of my finer moments. I did feel bad about it after I handed her her drink and watched her walk away. After that I was a lot nicer to my customers.

After work,  I wandered home and happily took a shower.

Now I'm sitting in an empty room in Mackinac. It's the perfect place to do hw because there's no one there and no one else is crazy enough to come to school on the weekend, unless they're language students.

After this blog I'll be productive. I promise.

Actually, the real reason I'm writing is because I'm feeling selfish again and writing about it makes me feel a little better. I'm feeling a little lonely because I talked to my beau and I can't stand the thought that I still have three entire months before I get to touch him again. There are so many times in skype where we talk, I just want to reach through the computer screen and touch his face.

This distance thing is really hard you guys. I don't think I've ever done something so constantly exhausting and heart breaking. I feel selfish for a lot of it too. For whispered wishes in the night that he'd come home and for complaining about all this to you.

Sometimes I wish I were stronger so I could get through this without this aching feeling in the pit of my heart. There are moments when I can push it out of the way and forget about it, but it always grows back.

I'm not sure how I can do this. I guess I'll just have to put myself in God's hands.

*sigh* Letting go like that is really hard though.

Anyways, I do need to get to work.

Thanks for listening.
Love and Peace
Elle

Work and Other Thoughts

So, last night, I picked up another work shift for this weekend. The plus side: More money for Japan. The downside: It's another shift on my birthday. So now I'll be working from 7:30 am to 12:00pm, but then from 9:30pm to about 12:30 am.

Then on sunday I'll be working from 4pm-8pm.

I figured a status about working a lot on my birthday wasn't appropriate for facebook. :P

Anyways, today was fairly interesting as far as a normal day goes. I woke up, showered as usual, tried to pick out clothes that matched and looked good together before heading to class.

Waking up at 9 after going to bed around 1am wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I was actually able to go dick around on the internet for a little while and check facebook to see if Neal had updated at all.

In case you were wondering, he landed safely in LA and is probably on his flight to Japan right now.

Anyways, I ended up dressing up in an outfit that would be perfect for a very warm Valentine's Day. All red, white, and pink.

I think I ruined the ensemble with black tennis shoes but whatever.

After getting dressed, Tara gave me a card and my birthday present (she is leaving for the weekend and therefore will miss my birthday): a shot glass that she had painted herself! It was so sweet of her that I got all warm and fuzzy.

It wasn't the first time today that I felt blessed in my friends.

So I look at the time and see it's 10:30! Oh man! I'll be late!

I rush and put my shoes on and then skip out the door only to watch as the bus drives away from the bus stop. Shrugging off that misfortune, I realize I now have enough time to french braid my hair, which I do and end up making the next bus with no problems.

Read Harry Potter as the bus rolled around to school and then ran to my classroom where I proceeded to sit for the next 10 minutes.

When the clock struck 11, I glanced around and felt confused. Where was my class?

You might be asking why I ask that particular question.

Well curious reader, I asked it because no one was in my classroom. No one was in my classroom when class was supposed to start.

I looked around the room, and stared at the door in a fashion that, to an outsider, probably looked very confused and bewildered.

I looked in my planner to see if the professor had decided to move the class to a different room.

I looked in my syllabus for a calendar of some sorts.

None of these things gave me the answer I required.

So I packed up my things, stowed my book, and headed out of the room hoping the crowd in the hallway had dispersed into the various surrounding classrooms.

Luckily for me, it did so I didn't have to feel a gazillion eyes on me as I left the empty room.

As I wandered down the hallway, I caught a glimpse of a student in my class peacefully reading a book at one of those tall coffee tables. So I wandered over to him.

"Hey." I said. He looked up at me.

"Hey."

"Uh... so, do we have class today?"

"Yeah...?"

"Oh. Is it in the same place? There's no one in the classroom..."

He looked over my shoulder at the clock on the wall.

"Probably because it's only 11."

I blinked at him dumbfounded for a moment before turning to look at the clock on the well. Indeed it was 11.

Then it hit me like a tidal wave washing over me. I could almost feel this understanding wash over me, starting in my head and then going over my body from there. Class started at 11:30.

"Oh." I responded smartly. He laughed and I sat with him, making small talk while I pulled out Harry Potter.

I was able to get to class on time  which was nice, but had to step out for a moment half way in due to a contact deciding that my eye wasn't worth living in and bailing.

We had a small chat in the bathroom in which I ran the thing under a faucet and stuck it back in my eye.

Class went by uneventfully after that, BUT I did get a text from Blue saying that she was about to take the bus over to my place.

Fear hit me! I had no food to give her and she was coming over for lunch! I thought that she was coming on Friday, but once again, I was mistaken.

Thankfully I was able to get home before she got here and had hot water boiling and ready to be served. I even got to break out my tea set for the first time this school year!

It was really nice to talk to Blue, especially since I haven't seen her in like, forever. Our lunch date of baked potatoes and yogurt ended way too soon.

Now I'm writing to you fine people.

Tonight should keep the ball rolling. I have class from 6-9 to learn about the education system and how to affect students culturally, I think, and then Olde Worlde Music Club. I'm always going to be late to that meeting, but that's fine. I can just bring my drum to class and then bang away afterwards.

I think the reason I've been a little mixed up today is probably a combination of my lack of sleep and then getting back into the swing of things. I think I'm going to be a lot busier than I realize as soon as things start to pick up. Especially after Student Life Night when I find about more about the Archery club and we get some more new people in OWMC.

After working this weekend, next weekend will be a treat. I'll be heading home on friday to pick up contacts, my big kids license, pictures, a domino set, UNO cards, and maybe a board game. The games will be for tea parties that I will be throwing periodically over the semester. So those should be a good time. I'll also be making small desserts and hors d'oeuvres. Should be a good time, even if they're small. I'm only going to be inviting 3 people at a time so the cups can be used and no one is stuck with a mug.

Anyway, I feeling hopeful today and not as fragile as I have been feeling in the past few days. I still think about Neal a lot, but it's getting easier being away from him.  I hope things go all right for him in Japan.

Speaking of Neal in Japan, I'm thinking of making a cutesy stop-motion movie to send to him via USB in a care package. I also am going to send him a message in a bottle along with the USB and a bunch of thingies of ramen noodles (beef flavored because, I've heard, that beef is really expensive there). If you have any other ideas of things to send to him, please let me know.

Alright, I'm going to change out of this skirt probably, maybe clean my room, and contemplate getting a tumbler from Teavana specially made for tea so I can take it to my 6-9 classes and other out of house places. Then I'm off to print out packets of music before class.

Love and Peace
Elle