As usual, when one stands on the edge of a precipice, they feel something like fear and excitement combined. Especially when they look over the edge and down into the dark.
I've been procrastinating packing because, someplace deep in my heart, I feel like this is a turning point. That the moment I get on the plane there's no turning back.
Right now, I feel as if I'm standing on a knife's edge and I can fall either way. But I also know I can't stay where I'm at because standing on a blade is cutting my feet and making it harder and harder to stand at all.
Perhaps I can learn to fly?
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
I should be packing...
But I just want to lay on the floor and watch tv about aliens...
Hooray aliens!! Maybe I should get back into this... of course, that involves going into astrophysics...
I also have another goal. By the end of the next semester, I want to have a pass into GV's secret library. This is a good goal.
On a different note, I have twisty pins from goody and I'm going to be a pro with them.
I should go outside today... maybe I'll find a music store and beg them for a lesson. I really need to get back into something that will let me get all of my feelings out. I don't have horseback riding right now (which is one of the most therapeutic things I've ever done), and I don't have music which I could probably get into next semester if I take private lessons...
I think that's a good idea. The private lessons thing. I'll look into it when I come back. :)
I'm not sure if I'll be going outside today. Probably, but maybe a lot later. For now, I'm going to watch shows on aliens.
Love,
Elie
I also have another goal. By the end of the next semester, I want to have a pass into GV's secret library. This is a good goal.
On a different note, I have twisty pins from goody and I'm going to be a pro with them.
I should go outside today... maybe I'll find a music store and beg them for a lesson. I really need to get back into something that will let me get all of my feelings out. I don't have horseback riding right now (which is one of the most therapeutic things I've ever done), and I don't have music which I could probably get into next semester if I take private lessons...
I think that's a good idea. The private lessons thing. I'll look into it when I come back. :)
I'm not sure if I'll be going outside today. Probably, but maybe a lot later. For now, I'm going to watch shows on aliens.
Love,
Elie
Saturday, December 15, 2012
First Day Home
Today, I'll be running errands. There's some good deals at Victoria's secret and I need some hand sanitizer from Bath and Body Works.
It's going to be a nice day, I think. Very low-key and relaxing.
Just what I need after finals week.
Then, of couse, I'll be packing! As the days go by, I realize that it's getting closer and closer until I'm traveling halfway across the world.
I can't believe there's only 6 days left!
It's going to be a nice day, I think. Very low-key and relaxing.
Just what I need after finals week.
Then, of couse, I'll be packing! As the days go by, I realize that it's getting closer and closer until I'm traveling halfway across the world.
I can't believe there's only 6 days left!
Friday, December 14, 2012
First day home
FINALLY! I am done. Done with everything! Passed my basic skills test! I'm still waiting on the writing part, but still. At least I got two out of three there! I'll know how I did on the writing bit a little later on.
However I've taken everything that my last week has thrown at me and punched it in the face!
Then I went to see the Hobbit.
It. Was. So. GOOD!! The below gif was me pretty much the whole time.
To those who say books that have been made into movies are pretty shallow (coughnickcough), I have to say that when they said they split the book into three parts, they weren't lying.
Now I know I haven't read the book in a while, so I'm guessing part 1 was pretty accurate. If they couldn't make it accurate in a three hour block, I don't know what might.
Either way, I can't wait until the next one.
There's also a ton of movies coming out this year that I know I'm definitely going to see.
Strangely enough, I got a ton of phone calls and text messages during the movie. I wonder why, when I'm busy, suddenly everyone wants to talk to me. I just had to make a few phone calls afterwards.
Now, after having a good day, I get to sit down and think about what happened to day at the elementary school in CT.
The only thing that keeps playing over and over in my head, is that school is supposed to be safe and that was violated by the shooting. Another thing that I've seen is a call for gun control. This has nothing to do with gun control. This has everything to do with sick people. If someone wants to shoot someone, they'll get ahold of a gun, despite all the restrictions that may or may not be placed on weapons.
However, thinking about it has killed the good mood I've accumulated all day. So I think I'll just watch Adventure Time and eat some cheese.
Love,
Elie
However I've taken everything that my last week has thrown at me and punched it in the face!
Then I went to see the Hobbit.
It. Was. So. GOOD!! The below gif was me pretty much the whole time.
Now I know I haven't read the book in a while, so I'm guessing part 1 was pretty accurate. If they couldn't make it accurate in a three hour block, I don't know what might.
Either way, I can't wait until the next one.
There's also a ton of movies coming out this year that I know I'm definitely going to see.
Strangely enough, I got a ton of phone calls and text messages during the movie. I wonder why, when I'm busy, suddenly everyone wants to talk to me. I just had to make a few phone calls afterwards.
Now, after having a good day, I get to sit down and think about what happened to day at the elementary school in CT.
The only thing that keeps playing over and over in my head, is that school is supposed to be safe and that was violated by the shooting. Another thing that I've seen is a call for gun control. This has nothing to do with gun control. This has everything to do with sick people. If someone wants to shoot someone, they'll get ahold of a gun, despite all the restrictions that may or may not be placed on weapons.
However, thinking about it has killed the good mood I've accumulated all day. So I think I'll just watch Adventure Time and eat some cheese.
Love,
Elie
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Finals are over!!
I'm a bit worn down from figuring out stuff for Gymboree. So tonight, I need to do laundry and purge my room. Then tomorrow I have more Gymboree training, Campus Dining, traveling home and studying for the basic skills test on Friday.
But let's face it. I'm going to sit on the couch and eat ice cream and put off everything I need to do until then. Maybe have a nice drink. I guess I've reached my limit of fucks and I just want some ibuprofen.
YOLO I suppose.
10 minutes until I get to finalize my schedule.
Love and peace.
Elie
But let's face it. I'm going to sit on the couch and eat ice cream and put off everything I need to do until then. Maybe have a nice drink. I guess I've reached my limit of fucks and I just want some ibuprofen.
YOLO I suppose.
10 minutes until I get to finalize my schedule.
Love and peace.
Elie
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Schedule
I wish my Gymboree boss would tell me my schedule already. It's stressing me out not knowing.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Friday, December 7, 2012
Feeling better
An update on an update:
I'm feeling a lot better as I'm going to bed tonight. Looks like everything will be fine. As usual. :P
I'm feeling a lot better as I'm going to bed tonight. Looks like everything will be fine. As usual. :P
I figure I should send an update out
You know, before my finals' week takes my life over.
First of all, I'd like to say how great a calendar is. I haven't realized how important having one in front of me is, but when I did my schedule, I realized that is where most of my stress was coming from. Because I didn't know when I had to do anything, it felt like I had to do it all at once.
Second of all, I still do have a lot of work to do, but since I'm staying at school (something I'll explain below) I will have time to finish studying and getting my papers done.
Okay, onto what has happened this past week.
Monday through Wednesday are a blur to be honest. Just finishing up assignments and ignoring what was waiting for me on Thursday.
Wait, that's a lie. I had some job training for Gymboree this Tuesday. It was a lot of fun, but I'm not exactly sure how to handle the little kids. That's a lie. I know how to handle little kids, but I'm not sure what is appropriate yet.
I guess I'm not how to teach children of that age.
However, it was interesting to see how they started to get bored with what was going on.
Little kids are strange, but a lot of fun.
Okay, besides that, fast forward to Thursday where I book a Gymboree training on top of my CoE advisor meeting. Guess which one I chose.
If you said CoE, you're right. Because, let's face it, my future as a teacher is more important than a job I'll probably end when I graduate.
My meeting went really great! My advisor is a pretty sweet person and on top of all of that we like the same types of books. So for the last ten minutes I gave her a list of authors she needed to check out and their books.
Something funny that happened that day. At the group advising session, I saw this girl who looked really familiar. We left before we could decide where we knew each other from. So later, I was thinking about it and I realized that we were in the same world children's literature class.
Then I felt sad because I would probably never see her again to tell her.
Guess who I saw in the CoE waiting room? That girl!
So we chatted until our advisors called us in.
Then leaving my advisor's room, I felt a little bit overwhelmed. I mean, I needed to take my basic skills test, get a TB test, and do a couple of other things until I get into the CoE. As I'm mulling this over, I wander to my car and look at the ground.
There sat two lucky pennies. Both heads up and everything. The firs thing that crossed my mind was: "Wow! This is going to be a great day!"
Then I get in my car.
Long story short, because anyone who's talked to me knows this already, my car would not go forward in drive, but would only go in reverse. So I backed into another parking spot and made a few calls.
Everyone who helped me out was actually really kind.
But it still sucked to not have a car. What sucked worse was that it was one of the reasons I was hired at Gymboree. I had a reliable vehicle and now that had blown up in my face.
However, time marches on and I found myself at home, frantically scrambling to reschedule training days with my boss at Gymboree. On top of that, I had to find a way home this weekend because I'm getting the IUD on Monday.
Without a car that would be hard to do. Even though both my dad and step-dad wouldn't have minded driving up to get me, I hate asking them to do that.
Well, this happens to be my weekend to work as well, so throughout the week I've been sending frantic emails out to try and get my shifts covered.
One girl, who I've always gotten a weird vibe from, said she'd take my Saturday shift. Which was great! However, she didn't sign a sub-slip and when I reminded her about she suddenly was busy.
Then for the Sunday shift, I had covered because I agreed to trade shifts with someone. That worked for about a day until I realized that my 6-9 overlapped with that and called it off.
So now the way it's looking is that I won't be able to go home until Sunday evening.
I suppose it's a good thing though. Because now I can break into Mak and steal a classroom for studying and writing a paper between working hours and Gymboree stuff.
Also, after my IUD on Monday, I hardly think I'll be fit to do a job well let alone take a final. I'd rather have enough time between final and the actual insertion to recover as much as I can (read: take really heavy painkillers) before having to go fail a final.
Anyway, back to my story. I finally get home and there's still a lot to do like go to my 6-9 and present to a group of people who don't care what I'm saying. It went well, and I got a couple of candy canes out of it. But I really really hate group presentations. I'd much rather have had to act out the right and wrongs of the usage of MI in schools than talk about it.
So after three hours of staring at a wall, we go home and by this time I'm on the verge of a panic attack.
How the hell am I going to do all this stuff?
In a way, it felt like I was being buried and there was nothing I could do about it. Or that I was in some pit and it was filling up with sand or water or whatever. Maybe oil, because you can't swim or stand on oil. Or like I was carrying this mountain and my knees were buckling.
I ate a fast dinner and ran up to my room to talk to the boyfriend. Usually he's good when I'm freaking out about something. I got a smug look and a "You shouldn't have picked up a second job right before finals." and then something like an "I told you so."
So helpful.
That's just what I needed.
So I took matters into my own hands and did the only thing I could do at that point. I started to cry. Because it hurt me that he was treating my predicament lightly, and because it was late and too late to do anything to make a dent in my work load and too late to get my car back, and too late to fix things so I could get a move on with job training.
I tried to be discreet, but that's not really my strong point. I think we both ignored the fact that I was crying and moved onto different topics. I had a feeling he didn't want to hear me complain about how busy my life was.
In between crying, I scheduled my Basic Skills test after freaking out a little about not being able to find a place to do it in time, and talked about non-consequential things with the boyfriend. We ended off on a slightly sour note because he called me a nag about food and I told him he was a jerk.
Then I went to bed. Let's face it, I was tired and worn out, and a bit disappointed with how the talk that was supposed to cheer me up went.
This morning, I woke up slowly. Like a sunrise over the mountains. You wait to make sure you're fully awake, but lay beneath the covers with your eyes closed trying to cling to the remnants of your dreams. I say it's like a sunrise over the mountains, because you don't really see the sun until it's over those snow-covered hills. The dew clings to the grass as if it could stay there forever.
But we know different. The sun always rises and burns it away.
After fully waking up, I laid there for a good hour or two. In all reality, I had so much to do that I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to deal with struggling over a schedule with Gymboree or figuring out disappointing news for Kleiner. I definitely didn't want to deal with dragging through psychology notes that only partially cover what will be on the test.
I think a few people called my phone, like my mom, and the car dealership, and my dad. None of that seemed more important than lying there and collecting my wits.
Then, slowly, I got myself together. I showered, learned about making a schedule, returned the calls, rescheduled things with Gymboree and got a ride to my car.
For lunch, I treated myself with pizza and finally got to hang out with Courage. Of course, we were studying the whole time, but it was nice to be in the same room with her and be able to chat every now and again between taking notes.
Hopefully next semester we'll see a bit more of each other... but probably not. Not with my three 400 level classes and jobs, and her 17 credits plus teacher assisting.
I think we have to cling to the moments we have with each other though, and enjoy them before they vanish. Because there is no doubt that they will leave you with nothing but your memories.
Anyway. I realized that I won't be able to see the Hobbit on the midnight release because I'll be sleeping to wake up early to get to my Basic Skills test.
However, I can see it on that friday when I've finished! You can bet your bottom dollar that is what I'll be doing! I know it'll be crowded and since I'll be east side, I'll probably be by myself, but I'm going to go.
Who knows? I might make some friends and we can geek out over everything.
Either way, I'm excited for next week to be over. During most of the waking hours of my life, I'm doing something. I think that Saturday, I'm going to do absolutely nothing but wander around my house pantsless.
Oh I forgot! During finals week I have to pack as much as I can, or at least bring home EVERYTHING so I know I won't forget anything when I go see the boyfriend.
On a final note, I'm planning on being busy this summer. I want to take up piano again because, if there's going to be a piano in the house, someone has to know how to play it. I also am going to learn how to shoot a gun with fair accuracy and take a physics course.
Since it's the summer, it shouldn't be as stressful as shit is here. In fact, everything will be for good fun. Maybe I'll be able to get into the church on decent hours, or a church or some place, and use their pianos for practice. It'll help me get over my fear of failing in front of people in any case.
So there you have it. A fairly accurate update of what went down this past week up until this point in time. You even got some thoughts for the future.
I have to go review some stuff before finishing off what I wanted to study for the night.
Love and Peace
Elie
First of all, I'd like to say how great a calendar is. I haven't realized how important having one in front of me is, but when I did my schedule, I realized that is where most of my stress was coming from. Because I didn't know when I had to do anything, it felt like I had to do it all at once.
Second of all, I still do have a lot of work to do, but since I'm staying at school (something I'll explain below) I will have time to finish studying and getting my papers done.
Okay, onto what has happened this past week.
Monday through Wednesday are a blur to be honest. Just finishing up assignments and ignoring what was waiting for me on Thursday.
Wait, that's a lie. I had some job training for Gymboree this Tuesday. It was a lot of fun, but I'm not exactly sure how to handle the little kids. That's a lie. I know how to handle little kids, but I'm not sure what is appropriate yet.
I guess I'm not how to teach children of that age.
However, it was interesting to see how they started to get bored with what was going on.
Little kids are strange, but a lot of fun.
Okay, besides that, fast forward to Thursday where I book a Gymboree training on top of my CoE advisor meeting. Guess which one I chose.
If you said CoE, you're right. Because, let's face it, my future as a teacher is more important than a job I'll probably end when I graduate.
My meeting went really great! My advisor is a pretty sweet person and on top of all of that we like the same types of books. So for the last ten minutes I gave her a list of authors she needed to check out and their books.
Something funny that happened that day. At the group advising session, I saw this girl who looked really familiar. We left before we could decide where we knew each other from. So later, I was thinking about it and I realized that we were in the same world children's literature class.
Then I felt sad because I would probably never see her again to tell her.
Guess who I saw in the CoE waiting room? That girl!
So we chatted until our advisors called us in.
Then leaving my advisor's room, I felt a little bit overwhelmed. I mean, I needed to take my basic skills test, get a TB test, and do a couple of other things until I get into the CoE. As I'm mulling this over, I wander to my car and look at the ground.
There sat two lucky pennies. Both heads up and everything. The firs thing that crossed my mind was: "Wow! This is going to be a great day!"
Then I get in my car.
Long story short, because anyone who's talked to me knows this already, my car would not go forward in drive, but would only go in reverse. So I backed into another parking spot and made a few calls.
Everyone who helped me out was actually really kind.
But it still sucked to not have a car. What sucked worse was that it was one of the reasons I was hired at Gymboree. I had a reliable vehicle and now that had blown up in my face.
However, time marches on and I found myself at home, frantically scrambling to reschedule training days with my boss at Gymboree. On top of that, I had to find a way home this weekend because I'm getting the IUD on Monday.
Without a car that would be hard to do. Even though both my dad and step-dad wouldn't have minded driving up to get me, I hate asking them to do that.
Well, this happens to be my weekend to work as well, so throughout the week I've been sending frantic emails out to try and get my shifts covered.
One girl, who I've always gotten a weird vibe from, said she'd take my Saturday shift. Which was great! However, she didn't sign a sub-slip and when I reminded her about she suddenly was busy.
Then for the Sunday shift, I had covered because I agreed to trade shifts with someone. That worked for about a day until I realized that my 6-9 overlapped with that and called it off.
So now the way it's looking is that I won't be able to go home until Sunday evening.
I suppose it's a good thing though. Because now I can break into Mak and steal a classroom for studying and writing a paper between working hours and Gymboree stuff.
Also, after my IUD on Monday, I hardly think I'll be fit to do a job well let alone take a final. I'd rather have enough time between final and the actual insertion to recover as much as I can (read: take really heavy painkillers) before having to go fail a final.
Anyway, back to my story. I finally get home and there's still a lot to do like go to my 6-9 and present to a group of people who don't care what I'm saying. It went well, and I got a couple of candy canes out of it. But I really really hate group presentations. I'd much rather have had to act out the right and wrongs of the usage of MI in schools than talk about it.
So after three hours of staring at a wall, we go home and by this time I'm on the verge of a panic attack.
How the hell am I going to do all this stuff?
In a way, it felt like I was being buried and there was nothing I could do about it. Or that I was in some pit and it was filling up with sand or water or whatever. Maybe oil, because you can't swim or stand on oil. Or like I was carrying this mountain and my knees were buckling.
I ate a fast dinner and ran up to my room to talk to the boyfriend. Usually he's good when I'm freaking out about something. I got a smug look and a "You shouldn't have picked up a second job right before finals." and then something like an "I told you so."
So helpful.
That's just what I needed.
So I took matters into my own hands and did the only thing I could do at that point. I started to cry. Because it hurt me that he was treating my predicament lightly, and because it was late and too late to do anything to make a dent in my work load and too late to get my car back, and too late to fix things so I could get a move on with job training.
I tried to be discreet, but that's not really my strong point. I think we both ignored the fact that I was crying and moved onto different topics. I had a feeling he didn't want to hear me complain about how busy my life was.
In between crying, I scheduled my Basic Skills test after freaking out a little about not being able to find a place to do it in time, and talked about non-consequential things with the boyfriend. We ended off on a slightly sour note because he called me a nag about food and I told him he was a jerk.
Then I went to bed. Let's face it, I was tired and worn out, and a bit disappointed with how the talk that was supposed to cheer me up went.
This morning, I woke up slowly. Like a sunrise over the mountains. You wait to make sure you're fully awake, but lay beneath the covers with your eyes closed trying to cling to the remnants of your dreams. I say it's like a sunrise over the mountains, because you don't really see the sun until it's over those snow-covered hills. The dew clings to the grass as if it could stay there forever.
But we know different. The sun always rises and burns it away.
After fully waking up, I laid there for a good hour or two. In all reality, I had so much to do that I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to deal with struggling over a schedule with Gymboree or figuring out disappointing news for Kleiner. I definitely didn't want to deal with dragging through psychology notes that only partially cover what will be on the test.
I think a few people called my phone, like my mom, and the car dealership, and my dad. None of that seemed more important than lying there and collecting my wits.
Then, slowly, I got myself together. I showered, learned about making a schedule, returned the calls, rescheduled things with Gymboree and got a ride to my car.
For lunch, I treated myself with pizza and finally got to hang out with Courage. Of course, we were studying the whole time, but it was nice to be in the same room with her and be able to chat every now and again between taking notes.
Hopefully next semester we'll see a bit more of each other... but probably not. Not with my three 400 level classes and jobs, and her 17 credits plus teacher assisting.
I think we have to cling to the moments we have with each other though, and enjoy them before they vanish. Because there is no doubt that they will leave you with nothing but your memories.
Anyway. I realized that I won't be able to see the Hobbit on the midnight release because I'll be sleeping to wake up early to get to my Basic Skills test.
However, I can see it on that friday when I've finished! You can bet your bottom dollar that is what I'll be doing! I know it'll be crowded and since I'll be east side, I'll probably be by myself, but I'm going to go.
Who knows? I might make some friends and we can geek out over everything.
Either way, I'm excited for next week to be over. During most of the waking hours of my life, I'm doing something. I think that Saturday, I'm going to do absolutely nothing but wander around my house pantsless.
Oh I forgot! During finals week I have to pack as much as I can, or at least bring home EVERYTHING so I know I won't forget anything when I go see the boyfriend.
On a final note, I'm planning on being busy this summer. I want to take up piano again because, if there's going to be a piano in the house, someone has to know how to play it. I also am going to learn how to shoot a gun with fair accuracy and take a physics course.
Since it's the summer, it shouldn't be as stressful as shit is here. In fact, everything will be for good fun. Maybe I'll be able to get into the church on decent hours, or a church or some place, and use their pianos for practice. It'll help me get over my fear of failing in front of people in any case.
So there you have it. A fairly accurate update of what went down this past week up until this point in time. You even got some thoughts for the future.
I have to go review some stuff before finishing off what I wanted to study for the night.
Love and Peace
Elie
Monday, December 3, 2012
Tea
There's nothing that a good cup of tea can't cure. I'm so glad my collection is growing because now I have some tea for almost every occasion. Soon, I'd like some tea for every occasion.
Tonight, I'm going to try a warm milk recipe. I know I need a few more spices to make it just right, but I'll make do with what I have.
I think, with Finals week approaching and with all the work I need to get done, I'm getting a bit lonely because I don't really get to socialize with people. At least if I do a study party with someone, there'll be someone in the room. However, I've earned myself the reputation of a talker when I study with someone, so I understand how people are mysteriously busy when I ask.
It's probably for the better. I do get a lot done when I'm on my own.
I should go get my phone now and prepare for bed. I have to be up early tomorrow for my first training day at Gymboree!
Wish me luck!
Love
Elie
Tonight, I'm going to try a warm milk recipe. I know I need a few more spices to make it just right, but I'll make do with what I have.
I think, with Finals week approaching and with all the work I need to get done, I'm getting a bit lonely because I don't really get to socialize with people. At least if I do a study party with someone, there'll be someone in the room. However, I've earned myself the reputation of a talker when I study with someone, so I understand how people are mysteriously busy when I ask.
It's probably for the better. I do get a lot done when I'm on my own.
I should go get my phone now and prepare for bed. I have to be up early tomorrow for my first training day at Gymboree!
Wish me luck!
Love
Elie
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Evening
Well it's Sunday and I've gotten everything done that needs to have been done. Of course, this upcoming week isn't going to be much better, work wise, but at least it'll be stuff I know how to do.
So for tonight, I'll be working on my project and making my room a bit more organized. After my stressful week, I'll be taking my night off. :)
Then, finally, I have less than 18 days until I'm off on a plane to Japan! As usual, I'm really nervous, but I think it'll be alright.
I can't wait to, FINALLY, be together with the boyfriend again. As it gets closer, the antsier I get. I just want to be with him NOW. Not in 18 days.
Then again, I have to get finals and such over.
Ugh.
Alright, I just wanted to update you all. I'm off to complete my day off by the aforementioned plan.
Love and Peace
Elie
So for tonight, I'll be working on my project and making my room a bit more organized. After my stressful week, I'll be taking my night off. :)
Then, finally, I have less than 18 days until I'm off on a plane to Japan! As usual, I'm really nervous, but I think it'll be alright.
I can't wait to, FINALLY, be together with the boyfriend again. As it gets closer, the antsier I get. I just want to be with him NOW. Not in 18 days.
Then again, I have to get finals and such over.
Ugh.
Alright, I just wanted to update you all. I'm off to complete my day off by the aforementioned plan.
Love and Peace
Elie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)