Meditation at St. James

I don’t like going to church because I hate the fact that there is so much corruption in the institution.

However, I love going inside churches and using them as a holy space to meditate and connect with God, the Universe, and myself without people telling me how I need to think and act. 

Today, around midday, I went to a church that I used to go to as a little kid. It’s been like… years and years since I’ve gone. It hasn’t really changed much, but it was definitely bigger than I remembered. 

It was a typical monday afternoon at a church. There were two people in the office, and a small dog that roamed around, that were too wrapped up in their conversation to notice me walk past them into the lobby. To my right were three sets of tall double doors that lead into the main room of worship. Stealing myself, I tested one of the doors to see if they were locked.

They weren’t.

Stealing myself again, I pulled the door open just far enough to get through and stepped over the threshold.  

The room was shaded and quiet due to the stained glass windows muting the sunlight. Weaving through the seats, I breathed in the smell that churches usually have- remnants of frankincense and myrrh- and felt my headache fade away. There was definitely a presence there. Like the feeling of something big in the room that expands and shifts to accommodate the environment around it. Thicker than smoke, thinner than water. 

I suppose the best way to describe it is energy. Just this big feeling of positive, peaceful energy. Something that inspired reverence and respect. It isn’t something that you can ignore, especially when you’re alone in a place you probably shouldn’t be, but something that you can feel at ease in. 

Anyways,

after admiring the work put into the building, something like a shadow of the great cathedrals in Europe, I found my way to a small room off to the side and sidled in. 

This room was darker than the main one, with it’s own pretty window at the far end. The wooden chairs with red cushioned seats formed neat little rows all the way down to an area where a podium sat. 

I took the seat closest to the door and let myself drift. 

Actually, I think I nodded off a bit. A lot of the time, due to the fact I was nodding off, I was able to hang in that place where your mind is blank and not able to really think about anything. It actually felt good to be able to do that in a holy place. 

Like seriously, this place was nothing but peaceful. 

The thing I love best about meditating in churches is the fact that you can do so without worrying about negative energies. Due to the fact that the church is literally God’s domain, anything that hasn’t evolved to a higher level of peace/love/holiness, can’t really thrive there. You don’t… well, I feel as if I don’t, have to worry about dragging in more baggage or emotional bs and residue than what is on your mind or heart. It sort of falls off you when you enter a space that is between you and whatever higher power you believe in.

Like layers. You walk into the big room and the world’s bull falls away. You sink into your meditative state and you work your problems out or let them go.

I walked out feeling a lot better than I have in a while. Even though I was still tired, I felt more centered and alert. More peaceful and connected to myself and my higher power.

Which is what this whole thing is about anyway right? 

I wonder how much longer
the candle can pretend to hide
the thunderstorms outside

Thoughts on True Love

Someone once said (on a cheesy psychic hotline website) that true love is disruptive and chaotic. At first I was offended. How could anyone think of true love in such a way? Surely this person was so jaded that he couldn’t see the wonder that Disney and all the other famous love stories have presented. 

Now I understand.

True love takes your emotions and stretches them as far as they can go. It does not allow for mediocre feelings (at least with me). It only allows for one to be either blissfully happy or heartbroken. Sometimes at the same time. Sometimes, one or the other so intense that it consumes us. It can make these emotions go from one to the other in record time.

It does not let go. 

It holds your head under water past the point where you think you’re going to drown. It makes you suffer for all your worth.

And in that suffering, if you survive, you are reborn. 

My view of love has changed immensely since I’ve fallen into it. At this point in time, it is something I only recommend to fools and people who know how to guard their hearts. To people who are strong and wish to become stronger.

Love is like the desert. It loves to test you to your limits. You lose your way, you take one wrong step, and you are finished. 

Precipice

I feel like, and I know I've said this many times before, but I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a canon. Or like I'm in the middle of the ocean and it's that moment before the wind is about to pick up. Or even, I feel like the breath drawn before the fingers pull the trigger or loose an arrow.

I feel this stirring in my chest and I have a feeling that I'm going to be going through some sort of metamorphosis. I just... I've been feeling stagnant for a really long time and I really feel like something is going to start picking up for me.

No idea what it is, but I just know something is coming.

It's getting to be that time again...

So, with two weeks left and then finals, it is getting to be that time again where I am obsessively creating lists.

Why? Finals week is coming up and I still have so much to do before that! Including: finishing assignments, creating a 10 minute presentation, and preparing for a philosophy final.

Not only that, but I'm not exactly sure what the schedule is for the spring semester and I still need a place to live for that... (Nick, if you're reading this, I'm going to talk it out with the parents tomorrow so please don't worry about it)

I still need to figure out a new schedule for Gymboree if possible and work out spring semesters schedule. Maybe I'll take some time tonight, after finishing up a french paper, and work out all the scheduling.

Either way, it'll all work out.

I've started reading a new book, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I actually bought it last year with the intention of reading it, and never got around to it. The first whole part of the book deals with something that I have been struggling with for the past month or so and that is following your dreams. Where, there is nothing stopping someone from doing what they want except themselves and the fear of change that holds them back. Or rather, the fear of sacrifice to go after what one really wants.

Another issue addressed in the first part of the book is balance. Balancing the things that are really important to you and the things that you want to do or see and how important it is to never forget that balance.

It's funny how fate puts things in front of you at the most opportune times.

For now, I'm off to work. Then I'll be burying my mind in the french language before waking up at an ungodly hour to teach some children music.

Love
Elie

It's amazing how mommy's always know what to say to make you feel better.

Last night, me and my own had a very hard conversation and I realized two things.

My mom isn't very good at comforting people. I mean, she isn't the type of person to say "I understand that things are hard right now and it's okay to feel horrible."

She says: "This is the way I see it and now we think of solutions." and the way she sees it is usually a lot more accurate, and sort of harsher than you would think. So I felt like an idiot for a little bit, especially when she pointed out things that could have been done instead of moping, but it feels better to think of solutions with someone who is an objective third party.

I guess in that way, my big epiphany last night, was that my mom is a lot like me when it comes to comforting people. We don't soften or pity the people we're comforting. We tell them like it is and then help them find the pieces they need to put themselves back together.

So now that I'm in the last leg of the semester, I just have to wait a month before putting my master plan into action.

I must say, it's a good feeling to know what to do. I just hate the fact how moody I've been to the people who don't deserve it. So I'm sorry about that.

Hopefully, things will keep looking up.

The Second Half

It seems as if I am in the second half of everything in my life right now. I'm in the second half of my second semester of my second to last year at school. I'm also in the second half of the second month of the beginning of the second year with my boyfriend.

The snow is melting and the sun is shining, a rare occasion for March, but thankfully, spring will be officially here in roughly 6 days. That is something I can't wait for. I can't wait for the days to get warmer and for my summer wardrobe to come back out of the drawer it has been shoved in for the past bunches of months.

Actually, I can't wait to buy a lot of sundresses and wear them all the time. I can't wait to spend every day outside in the sun. Or almost every day.

I need to figure out all the things I want to do this summer. I know I want to plant a garden, but I'm not sure how plausible that will be this year. Especially with the great possibility of staying up at school for a good part of the summer, AND with the possibility of traveling as well.

It'll be a great summer. I'm sure of it.

Extra Time

I'm sitting here in the connection and I realize that I have enough time to write an update on whatever's been happening.

Over these past few weeks I have discovered many things. The first is my newfound love of lists. And this is a love that has stemmed from necessity. You see, with all of my schoolwork, and then learning about having to take other classes this summer, as well as my future being close enough that I need to start thinking about it, I was starting to feel out of control of my own life. Coupled with the fact that the sun hasn't been shining as much as it does the other seasons of the year, my moods were taking a turn for the worst on an almost daily basis.

Thus, my habit of "listing" was born. It started with me not listening in my philosophy class like normal, and writing down a list of what I wanted to have accomplished in the next five-ish years. I must admit, I immediately felt a lot calmer. As fast as I could, without being distracting, I grabbed another piece of paper and began to write down the things I needed to do by the end of the week, and then by the end of that day!

Before I knew it, my life was organized in a way my room never will be. It's a really nice feeling knowing what I need to do by the end of the day.

Now I have lists everywhere and I haven't felt overwhelmed or have been mopey since that day.

However, I'm still going to talk to one of the counselors here at school to figure out some other coping strategies for anxiety so I can head off panic attacks early or stop them if I get hit unexpectedly. It'd also be nice to know how to not let little things bother me.

Something unfortunate, due to my busy schedule/half of the week, I haven't been able to get any exercising in. Especially since the only place/time I can get my schoolwork done is at school and during the time that is best for working out. I'm sure it'll get better after this week because I'll have all weekend to manage my studies.

Speaking of all weekend, I'm tossing the idea around of going home. Why? TO WATCH SPARTACUS OF COURSE!

I have not been able to watch my show, which kills me a little on the inside. I need to know what happens. I want to see the interactions between the characters. I'm craving the blood, sex, and politics. Finally, I have to know what happens to my biggest OTP "Craevia." Or CrixusxNaevia for those of you who don't follow the awesome.

But I suppose I can do that anytime. I have this fear that I'm going to go home and then get hit with a snowstorm on the way back. Honestly, nothing scares me more than driving in a bad snow storm, or on bad roads, with my little car. It's a good car, don't get me wrong, but I hate feeling like I might spin out at any moment. It's these winter months that I realize how much I really want my giant, four wheel drive, pick-up truck.

Crossing my thoughts lately, besides my wonderous lists, my need of Spartacus, and the weather, is my future. Often times, I wonder if I need to choose one aspect of my future over another. Especially when it comes to horses and my job.

Then this gifset come to mind:

and I suddenly feel better.

On that note, I'm off to meander on the web until I need to go print off my assignment.
Love and Peace
Elie

So I might or might not have eaten a whole thing of Lindt chocolate...

It was totally worth it, but it also means I have to sweat EVERY day instead of every other day.

Not that I mind. I'm going to try some yoga poses. I find that after I do some, my whole body feels leaner, longer, and stronger. I feel calmer for some reason too.

So, I think a lot. We all know this is true.

One thing on my mind is that I need to make sure my grades stay at the top of their game. If my english GPA drops at all, I will be out of the CoE so both of my English classes need to be an A. Not that I'm too worried about it, but that just rests in the back of my mind.

On top of that, I have no idea what I'm going to do this summer. I have to take those PED classes in order to graduate on time. However, I don't have living arrangements up here. On top of that, I'd like to take them during the spring semester because I accepted a job offer for the summer semester.

The worst part is, is that I can't make any moves until March 18th so I can see if I can get both of those classes done in the spring. By then, it might be a bit difficult to get a room in a dorm, or become a sub-leaser in an apartment for a short period of time.

Another thing I'm noticing is that one of my roommates is slowly getting on my nerves. Not so much the last of my nerves, but my nerves like "I just want to watch this show and not listen to you say anything" sort of nerves. I know she feels left out when we (myself and the other two) take over the living room and nothing together and not really talk to each other. But that's our way of bonding. It gets really irritating when we just want to hang out in our own little bubbles and she keeps trying to pop them.

I sort of feel bad telling her to stop talking to me too. I guess the only thing to do is just to hold this fragile balance. It's not like we'll be together much longer.

More drama has been happening within the Ren club circle of my friends. This reinforces my idea that I made a good choice by not joining the ren club. As much as I love listening to drama about other people, I hate when people try and put me in the middle. I hope they won't be too mad at me because I'm not going to bad mouth the other person.

Who am I kidding. I find it really funny that they're bitching to me about each other and I'm in the middle of it all. Especially when they know I'm friends with both of them. As long as they know I'm not picking sides, all is well. Well, for me at least. They'll have to work this out themselves.

A couple of other things is that I've have finally discovered the wonder of Brie. This cheese can go with anything and still taste amazing! The french know what they're doing when it comes to cheese. I must say.

Something else I realized. Those voice lessons need to be put on hold. If I want to travel around this summer, I'm going to need to save my money. So there goes that idea.

Which brings me to my next point, a rant you've heard fall from my lips onto these keys many times.

I need a niche. I feel like everyone has one around me and that I'm a bit too old to start something new in order to be really good at it. Except for maybe one thing, horseback riding... but that's not in the cards right now. I don't have the money, I hate borrowing, and my parents aren't really on board with it. A lot of times, I think I'll never get back into it. How can I on a teacher's budget?

Or maybe I'm just missing it because it's something that's just out of my reach. But, it really was the one thing that I worked so hard at to be good at. In the summer, or on breaks, I would go to the barn almost every single day and ride. It was the one thing that really tested my limits. The one thing that, after I had been thrown from the saddle physically and emotionally, I got back up and got stronger and better.

I mean, I'd like to think that my future holds horses, and showing, and trail riding. I really would.
However, when I start thinking... it starts to look a little less realistic than I'd like it to be.

Recently brought up, was another thing about my future. I was talking to a friend who graduated and now is having trouble finding a job in MI teaching. What if, once I graduated, I get a job out of state? That's great right? Right. However the boyfriend still will be in school here in MI. Not so great. Now there's a ton of what ifs. What if I get my dream job in CO and he can't find a job out there? I really don't want to be stuck in any of the center states... except for TX (but that's by the ocean). I've had this dream for my future for so long. I don't want to give up on it or compromise more than I am on it. But I also want my boyfriend. I want him there with me. I don't want distance, another distance situation to split us up. That's what scares me the most. That we won't be able to make it work because of job placement. In all honesty, that'd be a really awful reason for it not to work... you see what I mean? I over think these things.

I want mountains. I want wide open land with trees and mountains and wonderful trails to follow and rivers to splash through. I want land for horses.

My future is so full of "what if's" right now. Sometimes I lay awake in bed and follow the different paths that are so possible right now. Most nights, I end up with a head and heart ache.

On top of all this, the second period on the IUD is approaching. I'm not exactly sure what to expect because the last time, I was spotting pretty regularly. This time, the body is more used to this copper, foreign object nestled inside me. However, I'm not exactly sure what to expect or when to expect it. For days now, my body has been feel like it has been preparing for the whole sha-bang, but I haven't had any results.

I just wish this was more of a regular occurrence now.

Another thing I want to do is go shopping. I really want to go shopping. There's a new perfume I want to sniff, there are stores I want to peek into and see if they have pretty sundresses out yet. Or loose shirts that I can wear with short shorts. Maybe this is what I've been saving all my money for.

Either way, I promised the boyfriend that I would wait to go shopping with him. Also, another reason to wait is that I'm working on sculpting my body. By the time I go shopping, I'm going to be a bit slimmer, probably. I shouldn't buy anything now when it won't fit later. I also want that bathing suit. It's red, with polkadots and super cute.

In the meantime, I will continue to do my exercises and yoga whilst watching the TV. Unless it stops snowing, then I'll be going to the gym before coming home and doing muscle stuff in the living room.

I guess, I'm out of things to talk about now. I just wish I was in a little more control of my life and where it's going right now.

Much Love,
Elie

What a Monday

Got up at 4:30 due to a nightmare. Strange thing was, that wasn't the only time I had gotten up that night. In fact, I think I woke up a couple of times. One of my favorites was around 2:30/3:30ish thinking I had to teach my friend's swtor character A Heart Full of Love from Les Mis. 

Work today was a lot of fun because I really like the kids at the Tutor Time I go to. Because I was up at 4:30, I had a nice morning laying in bed trying to get feeling back in my fingers and toes in the aftermath of jumping awake. Since Tara didn't have school today I was able to take a long, hot shower. A wonderful, but increasingly rare occurrence. 

The point to that whole story was that I arrived at work super early. I was excited about arriving early, instead of getting there just in time to grab what I need and run. The only issue I had, though, was that I walked in and everything in the building was gone. It was an empty shell. 

My boss had told me that she was moving, but that there would be an email giving the new location's adress. 

After many frantic calls and a trip back to the old building, I finally got that adress but was now running late. Good thing my boss called ahead of me.

The day went really well once I had finally got there. The kids are always a lot fun and I feel like I get better with each lesson. The only thing I wish were different was that the kids weren't sick with colds. I'm always so paranoid when they cough.

Oh well! I'm sure I'll be fine. I'm determined not get sick until summer. I have a feeling that this year is going to be that year. I'm super overdue for a major illness. 

Anyway, I came home and took a nap. It was only supposed to be a half hour, but it lasted way past French class and into the evening. Gretchen woke me up and almost ushered me to bed. That's probably the smart thing to do, but I have a feeling I'll be up at 4:30 again if I went to bed now. 

ON a different note, college of ed applications are due by the end of this week!! It's so nerve wracking but really exciting at the same time. Part of me is really nervous because there is so much that had to be done, but then another part of me (the more logical side) reminds me that this has been done before. Over and over again. 

It'll all work out fine. I'm sure of it. Mostly sure. 

The rest of this week will be nice and normal I think. I hope.

Well, I'm off to do reading and finally watch... ugh... Doctor Who with the Roomies. 

Love and Peace

Elie

Snow

Looks like the time has finally come for me to break out all those Vitamin D pills I bought last year. I'm getting more use out of my knee high winter boots than I have ever before, and I find myself scraping my car off at night so there's less to do in the morning. That shovel I bought years ago is finally scraping ice and concrete away from tires of small cars so they can pull out of their parking spots.

Yes, my friends, winter has arrived in Allendale. That means my thoughts enter an emotional roller coaster, I want to drive as little as possible, and working out becomes something of the bane of my existence for the single reason of actually having to bundle up, go to the gym, undress, then bundle up again. So now, you'll find me in front of the TV doing jumping jacks and sit ups instead of running my ass off at the gym.

As for school, it is getting fairly busy. We are now at the point in my capstone where we must have some idea of where we want to go with our project. Instead of examining the relationships of the characters and the untraditional idea of power that Stroud writes about, I see my theme changing into what constitutes good and evil as examined by Stroud in his novel Amulet of Samarakand.

Honestly, I'm not sure that's even a good topic.

Maybe I should just do a complete analysis of the themes of Moby Dick and then run with that. I have a feeling it might be a little easier.

Work is going well too. There's a director at one of the places who terrifies the snot out of me, but that's alright. I'm learning her ways and she's learning mine. I love the little kids most of the time, but I realize that I need to do a little bit more planning with my lessons so they're more interesting for my kids. That way, I can spend the whole time with them instead of spending half of the lesson telling them to get back to the learning area because we're doing music class and not fuck-around-with-everything-else-in-the-room class.

Campus dining is going really well too! I don't have much to do and my hours are spectacular. Even though, between my two jobs, I'm making roughly the same amount I had been before, I find I like this schedule a lot better.

Actually, I'm thinking of picking up voice lessons for the remainder of the semester before I return home and find an actual teacher. I figure, I have the money to do all this, I might as well start on it now so I have a head start for the summer. That way, I can find something and do something that I actually like doing instead of just school and work.

However, I don't know how well this plan will go. So I guess I'll keep you updated on whether or not I gather up the courage to email the voice professor who gives out lessons.

I guess that's all I have to say for now. I'm sure you'll be hearing from me in the meantime.

Love and Peace
Elie

Another slightly depressing post, and then I'm done... probably

Last night I had a dream that Midnight had woken up and that everything was alright. So waking up this morning was really pleasant.

However, like all dreams do, it faded away like the shadows of my room and I found myself going through my morning routine in a daze. It wasn't like a normal morning daze, I felt too heavy for that.

I realized I had to learn to function properly today and for the rest of this week, so I did the one thing I knew that would stop me from crying: I put on make up. Because I won't have time to fix it if I get emotional, this has been a smart idea.

Today, after my classes, I have work, which is fine because I'm riding the bus all over the place.

Tomorrow, I have work on beltline and if the weather doesn't clear up, I need to contact my boss. I'm really scared of driving out in the mess that is the roads and I don't want to risk anything by making my way out there. I'd hate to end up in a ditch due to snow, or worse and not make it to my schools.

I don't know when I developed this fear of driving in extreme weather. However, it's there. I'm just scared to talk to my boss about it. If things don't clear up by the time I get home tonight, I think I'll be making a very apologetic phone call.

Hopefully today goes by well. I'm not sure if I want it to go by fast, but I think well is a good way for it to go.

Love and Peace
Elie

Bye Bye Black Dog

Food and Weekend Part one

This weekend has been a lot of fun, if not a little crazy.

I hit the ground running Friday, by booking it home to have lunch with a family friend. We caught up and he signed a reference for my CoE application. Then I headed to the mall where I bought some make up.

I actually wanted to buy some clothes (a feeling that has intensified after seeing a really cute fashion statement on Tumblr), but the make up was a bit more expensive than I had thought it would be. It's a good thing I'm working two jobs so I can afford all this fun stuff!!

Then, right after the mall, I headed over to Megan's apartment in lansing. I got to spend a good three hours with her until Mike came home and we all went out to dinner. To be completely honest, I didn't realize how much I missed that girl until I was sitting with her and chilling on the couch. It was great to let the walls fall down and have a good "girl time." I mean, you can't do that in the connection, although planning houses was a lot of fun with Amanda.

We (megan and I) came up with the brilliant plan that our beloveds are going to become best friends. They are both computer and video game guys so it's one way they can connect with each other! They can bitch about macs and apple computers together while Megan and I hang out in the kitchen.

Today was a little more low key. I had my IUD appointment.

As it turns out, everything is fine. All that spotting that happened when I was overseas was completely normal.

Translation: I didn't get as much sex as I could have. Which sucks.

But it's good to know that everything is alright and probably will be alright from now on. And that's really exciting! It's nice to know that everything I'm putting my body through is normal. I just hope it's all worth it.

Tomorrow should be exciting! I'll be doing laundry, homework, and LEARNING TO MAKE PERFECT CHOCOLATE FROM SCRATCH!

I don't know if you know but that's fucking amazing! You have to had make everything too, which makes it even more special!

Speaking of food, I've been eating way to much since I've gotten home. You see, I haven't been eating large meals lately. I've been eating enough to sustain me and that tastes good. Completely healthy.

However, portion sizes are no where near what I'm eating here. So, whenever I finish my dish, my stomach hurts. Like, not nauseous hurting. It's painful hurting. I can't wait to stop this whole eating out thing.

I'll have better meals tomorrow and at the start of the week.

I suppose food isn't that important to all you who read this. Here's something that might be?

The old dog is old. She hasn't been moving around as much as she was last time I visited, and now she's vomiting all over the place (guess who gets to clean all that stuff up). It sort of makes me worried to see her so tired all the time. Though I guess that's what age does to a person... or in this case, a dog.

The cat, on the other hand, has been a lot more jumpy than normal. She sits at the other end of the room and stares at me, and when I move or shift, she books it out of there like I've sent a fwave of fire after her.

I'm starting to realize that's just her though.

In the meantime, I'm going to keep finding ways to keep myself busy! So there's your update!

Love,
Elie

A short update

Half of me thinks that it'd be better to update after this weekend. That way I'll be able to know if my uterus has been perforated, or there are any other complications with this copper device resting there. If something has happened, it'll make for a much better blog post than this one.

I'll even include gifs that have to do with amusing synonyms for death by IUD.

This week went a lot better than last week. I'm starting to gain my own wings as I go do Gymboree classes by myself. The kids are a little crazy, but I guess I'll have a heads up in my classroom management classes when I get to them.

Today was a bit harder though. I woke up later and had to scramble to go to class. Of course, it was a pep talk to even go to class.

I got to see my wifey though, which was a highlight! We made out floor plans to our perfect houses. Every day, I'm glad I asked her to be facebook official that one night in her dorm room.

Then I went to class and now I still have lots to do.

I think the reason why I like being so busy is because it doesn't let me think. I don't have to think about anything and then I fall into bed too tired to stay up and sink.

This is a good idea. :)

I'm sure you'll hear more after this weekend, but until then I love you!
Elie
P.S. Nick, I do update more than this blog you know.

good, bad, pretty alright.

the good!

I love fountain pens. This was the best idea I've had in a long time, this writing thing! It was hard at first, trying to do what the books told me to. Then I remembered that my handwriting is beautiful. Add pens that make thicks and thins for you and it becomes stunning.

Of course, I'll keep reading the books and trying out new techniques, but I've never done something so wonderful for my head. When I write with this set, concentrating on how to make the letters with these foreign writing utensils, my mind goes blank. Gloriously blank.

It'll be fun to see where this progresses. Hopefully it's not another bottle rocket project.

the bad!

I keep getting this feeling that I'm never going to ride horses again. Like that chapter of my life is over.

Or maybe I'm just thinking that way because it seems so impossible. Especially with the career I've chosen. And let's face it. I'm probably never going to be a good enough pianist to perform solo at weddings. And finding a band? Even harder than perfecting piano... Well I'm not too sure about that, but it seems that way right now.

the pretty alright!

I'm going drinking with some friends tonight! Should be a good time!


I just needed to get those off my chest.
Love
Elie

New poems

Since I have an intellectual class this semester, I've taken up writing poetry again.

Check it out if you like.
http://poetryunderthesky.blogspot.com/

:)

Some thoughts

Today was an interesting day! I had my first, by myself lessons! What I mean to say is that I taught my classes by myself. The first one of the day, the music class, was a little hard. There isn't much material in the lesson plan and I had trouble with transitions so keeping the kids engaged was a bit difficult.

However, the class right after that went a lot better. Maybe it was the fact that I was late due to a GPS malfunction, or maybe it was because these kids were a lot more responsive and excited, or maybe it was because I felt more confident. Either way, I'm feeling better about taking up that job. However, I'll still be making, roughly, the same amount that I was last year with just Campus Dining.

I suppose that's how these things always work out though.

I did a work out today, which was a lot more fun than I was anticipating. However, I need to buy spandex that doesn't ride up on me when I run, and more shorts and tank tops.

Maybe I'll do that this weekend.

Other things that have been on my mind. When I try to meditate at night, too many voices start talking. Like, it's my brain trying to process all the voices that it's heard earlier that day and so they all start talking at once.

Which is cool... but it makes it really hard to make a quiet place in my mind. I probably should try it in the mornings, but I'm usually waiting in bed until the last second.

Which reminds me! I think I've found a routine that fits in everything I want! I wake up at 7, take a shower and get ready for Gymboree (on the days when I have it), make breakfast (big nice breakfast with tea on the days I don't work in the morning), go throughout my day whatever it holds, and then come home and do homework or work or both. Then go to bed at 1:00.

It's perfect because I get my 6 hours of sleep, get all my stuff done, wake up energized enough in the mornings, aaand have time to talk to the wonderful boyfriend.

I have a feeling this semester is going to be a lot better than the last. Even though a lot of people I love are far away from me, it'll give me an opportunity to get closer to those that are around me.

I have to go get ready for French!
Love and Peace
Elie

Mreh work.

What's super frustrating, is coming back and getting handed a work load that I really should have been given a week ago. 

I understand that I could have gone onto the site and got my materials, but I needed to know which materials to print out and study and what in those that she wanted prepared for tomorrow.

Ugh.

Maybe I'm the one that's underprepared. Either way it's a great way to kick off the semester! 

Excuse me while I get my shit together and eat ice cream. 

Love,

Elie

Legs

Tonight, since I had a lot of time, I tried that leg thing that's been going around. It's where you mix (1 to 1 and1/4 cup) sugar, (about a 1/2 cup) oil, and (3-5 table spoons) citrus together and then go take a bath and soak your legs. After that, you shave your legs like normal. Then you rub the stuff all over the areas that you've just shaved.

You rinse it off and then shave your legs again to scrape off the dead skin. Then rub the stuff on again.

You can repeat the last two steps as much as you want.

Then, when you've rubbed and scraped your legs to your heart's content, you put a final coat on, rinse that off with a mild soap, and then dry your legs.

Finally, you put on lotion to make sure your legs keep all that moisture.

I really liked it. Though, your legs end up a bit oily, so you might have to wait a bit before you rub them against anything... like silk sheets. Don't want to leave grease stains everywhere.

However, as much as the oily afterfeeling bothers me, I can't seem to stop myself from running my hands all over my legs. They're so soft!!

A small update: Relationship Musings with a Hint of Japan

As I lay here on the bed in the LA hotel room, I am slowly coming to the realization that I will never be able to fully write out what happen in Japan. If you want the stories and the pictures, you'll have to see me in person or contact me in some way.

Here, you're just going to get sentimental crap from someone who was on an airplane for almost 9 hours straight.

I must say, I leave Japan a bit different than when I arrived. When the plane touched down, I was on the verge of a panic attack. I was landing in a country where I hardly knew the language (my knowledge has progressed to roughly 5 words now), and would be living with a boyfriend that I hadn't seen in four months.

Don't know why the latter made me as nervous as it did. I guess I was worried that one, or both, of us had changed or drifted away and that the two weeks would be more of an exercise in frustration than a bonding experience.

Turns out I should listen to my mom and my best friends more often when they say it'll be alright.

Japan is a lovely country. It's beautiful, runs smoothly, the people seem quite pleasant, and there's a lot of stuff to do. Most of our time was spent traveling around Tokyo. Actually, that's where most of my money went too.

However, it wasn't just the country and the sights that gave me such a wonderful time. It was the man I saw them with. In fact, I think the memories I'll cherish most are those of us laying around the hotel room playing Vampire Games, or cuddling and talking about whatever comes into our heads.

It was nice to just be close to each other to the point that we could reach out and touch the other one whenever we wanted to.

I think we grew closer during our time together. Two weeks went by quickly; too fast even.

The reality of it all is that I hate this distance thing. And maybe I'm a bit too sensitive, but I guess he matters that much to me if I'm feeling like this.

I really hope two months goes by really fast. Well, really fast on my end in case he's doing a lot of fun things. I suppose the only thing I can do is keep myself busy and then make time when he comes.

That shouldn't be too hard right?

Well I'm off to write a bit and then head to bed so I can get up early and catch a flight to Detroit.

Love and Peace
Elie