Amanda: I want a story from you about you and your beau. Also, I'm sorry about your stress and what your mom said. I'm sure things will get better after finals. If you need a study buddy, just text me your location and I'll show up with my multitude of shit to do.
The rest of you:
I finished reading the first book of the Hunger Games trilogy today. So now, I'm going to stay up and watch the movie. It's just the first few scenes and already I want to go and practice archery. I wish I had a professional to show me what I need to work on.
Anyway, the movie was done really well. Sure they left out a few characters/slightly changed some scenes. But they did it in a way that was true to the book and the world that was created. It's very good.
I actually might buy the movies to match the books. They're the kinds of movies I can watch many times without getting bored. Or the first one is in any case.
Something else regarding this series, Megan calls me Katniss sometimes. I find I like the comparison, even if I don't think it's that accurate.
Man, this day is weighing on me and it's hardly over. My body is sore with fatigue. It's one of those nights where I wish someone would take me by the hand and tuck me into bed, shushing me when I mumble about getting work done.
I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing that no one is here.
Tomorrow I'll be up early again. I have my first day of job training at Gymboree. Then I get to come home and nap or try some walking test runs with my pipe cleaner people and their sticky tack shoes.
Perhaps that is my creative outlet. Not only do I get to write, but I get to create as well. Of course, I can't say exactly what right now. That would give away the boyfriend's Christmas gift. However, my project has turned my room into a studio of sorts.
There's no way I'll be getting anything done in there unless it's about my project. I think, if I get a bit done each day, it'll be done in time. :)
Anyways, after my small break, I'll be taking my step-dad to visit the dorms that I might be living in next year.
Oh! I almost forgot!
I went to a meeting today about getting into the college of ed. I'm completely terrified, but tomorrow morning, I need to call up and make an appointment with my advisor.
Hopefully everything will turn out all right. I'm too out of it to really be worried right now. Maybe it'll hit me when I wake up and I'll do my freaking out then.
Or not. I feel like I'm at my limit with this stress thing. My face is even breaking out like nobody's business. I know I should be exercising, because that really helps with stress level and complexion. But when I have free time, I only want to work on my project or read.
Some other thoughts. I'm thinking of dropping Campus Dining to try and go for a writing 150 tutoring job at the tutoring center. I'll go and ask them sometime next week. In between my CoE appointment and everything else I need to do.
Alright. I'm going to go watch my movie and brainstorm about how I'm going to write this effing paper.
I'm sorry Nick, I don't know how you stand writing psychology papers and designing experiments.
Love and Peace
Elie
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
First time
This is the first night I'll be staying up late to complete a project. I got my cup of coffee and I'm ready to roll. I just wish I had more time in my waking hours to get everything I need to done.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Stuff to do
I have so much to do. So I'm sitting on the couch watching a special on the black plague. Actually, I need to write a paper in french so I can take it to my tutor tomorrow and get it perfect. It looks like I'll be turning 3 essays in tomorrow because, apparently, the due dates in my head were off by a week.
So that is what I'll be doing tonight. I also need to find sticky tack, which I should be getting on Thursday, but I'd like to make a move on with my project sooner rather than later.
This weekend, I have Yule fest which I am playing at, but I will also be studying in between performances. I plan to get ahead in psych slides and get that paper finished. In fact, I'll probably not being thinking of anything BUT perception on Friday. Well, perception and then my project. Perhaps I'll alternate working on them by the hour. At least, it'll be a schedule to follow.
As always, and more on the forefront of my mind because it's getting closer, I'm counting down the day until I'm boarding a plane. Each day that goes by, I get more and more excited. I can't wait!
Well, I'm off to write a memory of mine in french. I'll drag it kicking and screaming if I have to.
Love and Peace
Elie
So that is what I'll be doing tonight. I also need to find sticky tack, which I should be getting on Thursday, but I'd like to make a move on with my project sooner rather than later.
This weekend, I have Yule fest which I am playing at, but I will also be studying in between performances. I plan to get ahead in psych slides and get that paper finished. In fact, I'll probably not being thinking of anything BUT perception on Friday. Well, perception and then my project. Perhaps I'll alternate working on them by the hour. At least, it'll be a schedule to follow.
As always, and more on the forefront of my mind because it's getting closer, I'm counting down the day until I'm boarding a plane. Each day that goes by, I get more and more excited. I can't wait!
Well, I'm off to write a memory of mine in french. I'll drag it kicking and screaming if I have to.
Love and Peace
Elie
Monday, November 26, 2012
Irritating people
So, today has been filled with irritating people. In two of my classes, I had the unfortunate opportunity to work with them.
You see, I'm normally pretty chill with all types of people. If you want to be leader, step up and be leader and I'll happily follow along. If you want a leader, I'll step up.
However, if you want to be a leader and don't know what the fuck you are doing, you should figure that out before trying to lead a bunch of people blindly.
In my ed class, we were doing a debate. Not that I'm an expert on debate, but I did take a class that was centered around it. I know how the flow goes. Then our "coach," one of my class mates tries to direct everyone, but sends us around in circles. Not only that, but she cops an attitude with people, like the professor and myself, who try and say "no, it's supposed to be done this way" and then turns around and tells my peers what was just told to her, like it was her idea.
Super frustrating.
Then, in science, a girl in my group is a lot like that. I can't count the times I've wanted to bang my head against the wall because she had us running in circles instead of actually reading the instructions!
On a more positive note, my science teacher is going to have a baby! Hooray! Also, I got more materials for my amazing project.
So all in all, it wasn't a bad day. It just had some frustrating points.
Love and Peace
Elie
You see, I'm normally pretty chill with all types of people. If you want to be leader, step up and be leader and I'll happily follow along. If you want a leader, I'll step up.
However, if you want to be a leader and don't know what the fuck you are doing, you should figure that out before trying to lead a bunch of people blindly.
In my ed class, we were doing a debate. Not that I'm an expert on debate, but I did take a class that was centered around it. I know how the flow goes. Then our "coach," one of my class mates tries to direct everyone, but sends us around in circles. Not only that, but she cops an attitude with people, like the professor and myself, who try and say "no, it's supposed to be done this way" and then turns around and tells my peers what was just told to her, like it was her idea.
Super frustrating.
Then, in science, a girl in my group is a lot like that. I can't count the times I've wanted to bang my head against the wall because she had us running in circles instead of actually reading the instructions!
On a more positive note, my science teacher is going to have a baby! Hooray! Also, I got more materials for my amazing project.
So all in all, it wasn't a bad day. It just had some frustrating points.
Love and Peace
Elie
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Winding Down
Well, Thanksgiving break is coming to an end.
It started out really shaky, but you know, all things considered, it was pretty great.
The first great thing that happened was I got to see my mom for almost 3 whole days! I know it doesn't sound like much, but seeing as how I hardly ever get to see her, it was really great.
Then we went to see the big family for thanksgiving. I actually got to catch up with a lot of cousins and spent most of the evening talking to one of my aunts. Every time I go and see them all, it gets easier and easier to talk to them. My mom was also allowed to come. It was good to see her there with her family.
We also booked my flight to Japan! Whenever I think about it, I get really excited and nervous at the same time. It'll be my first time flying so there's all those concerns, but there's some part of me that's nervous about seeing my boyfriend for the first time, in the flesh, after four long months.
I also got to see my Dad a lot. I've seen him almost every day that I've been home. We're even going out to eat tonight. Tomorrow, I'll be going to breakfast with George before heading back to school for work and getting stuff done.
Throughout the weekend, I got to spend a lot of time with the old dog and the small cat. They're both doing well, if a little lazy.
That's one thing I didn't get done this weekend. I did not get any school work. I guess, this upcoming week I'm not going to give myself free time. It'll be work work work until I'm all caught up.
Look, I say that now, but I probably wont.
Another thing that I have been behind on is NaNoWriMo. I will finish it by the 30th of November, but that will be after nights and nights of just typing when I'm done with schoolwork for that night.
I'm so behind it's really bad.
However, I needed this break to just relax and re-center myself to be able to do great work.
When I go back to school, it'll be a tough 3 weeks before I can just not worry about anything but work and packing to go travel.
I'll get through it.
Love and Peace
Elie
It started out really shaky, but you know, all things considered, it was pretty great.
The first great thing that happened was I got to see my mom for almost 3 whole days! I know it doesn't sound like much, but seeing as how I hardly ever get to see her, it was really great.
Then we went to see the big family for thanksgiving. I actually got to catch up with a lot of cousins and spent most of the evening talking to one of my aunts. Every time I go and see them all, it gets easier and easier to talk to them. My mom was also allowed to come. It was good to see her there with her family.
We also booked my flight to Japan! Whenever I think about it, I get really excited and nervous at the same time. It'll be my first time flying so there's all those concerns, but there's some part of me that's nervous about seeing my boyfriend for the first time, in the flesh, after four long months.
I also got to see my Dad a lot. I've seen him almost every day that I've been home. We're even going out to eat tonight. Tomorrow, I'll be going to breakfast with George before heading back to school for work and getting stuff done.
Throughout the weekend, I got to spend a lot of time with the old dog and the small cat. They're both doing well, if a little lazy.
That's one thing I didn't get done this weekend. I did not get any school work. I guess, this upcoming week I'm not going to give myself free time. It'll be work work work until I'm all caught up.
Look, I say that now, but I probably wont.
Another thing that I have been behind on is NaNoWriMo. I will finish it by the 30th of November, but that will be after nights and nights of just typing when I'm done with schoolwork for that night.
I'm so behind it's really bad.
However, I needed this break to just relax and re-center myself to be able to do great work.
When I go back to school, it'll be a tough 3 weeks before I can just not worry about anything but work and packing to go travel.
I'll get through it.
Love and Peace
Elie
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Should be an early night
Earlier today we washed the dog in the big open shower. She was not amused but took it like a boss. Now she is clean, looks like a black lamb, and smells like my shampoo.
As usual, the black dog is adorable.
This should be an early night... but, I just don't want to go to sleep. I'm enjoying this show too much. Plus, I'm snowballing again (I've decided to coin that phrase to mean over thinking things out of proportion) and I don't want to drag Nick through the mud on this.
Especially when I'm so back and forth.
The poor guy deserves a break.
I think I'll just have a glass of wine and hate myself later or when I'm properly intoxicated.
As if I'll get shit faced tonight. I have to get up early so I'll be able to get finish doing my hair in time for the big family Thanksgiving Day get together.
Either way, tomorrow will be interesting. At least I get to see the Daddy-o and Nika at the end of it all.
As usual, the black dog is adorable.
This should be an early night... but, I just don't want to go to sleep. I'm enjoying this show too much. Plus, I'm snowballing again (I've decided to coin that phrase to mean over thinking things out of proportion) and I don't want to drag Nick through the mud on this.
Especially when I'm so back and forth.
The poor guy deserves a break.
I think I'll just have a glass of wine and hate myself later or when I'm properly intoxicated.
As if I'll get shit faced tonight. I have to get up early so I'll be able to get finish doing my hair in time for the big family Thanksgiving Day get together.
Either way, tomorrow will be interesting. At least I get to see the Daddy-o and Nika at the end of it all.
Lots of posts today, but this one's a good one, sort of.
I discovered something about myself.
I snowball shit when I'm left alone to think about it. And it's not like "Oh it's raining. I guess I'll figure out stuff to do inside."
No. It's like a progress:
Hour 1: "Oh it's raining that's great." Heavily implied sarcasm
Hour 2: "It's still raining and the sky is dark. I wonder if it will let up any time soon. I miss the sun." Slight feeling of depression, nothing a cup of tea can't fix
Hour 3: Here is where if all goes downhill: "It's fucking raining outside. How the hell am I going to go do what I need to do if it's raining? I'll get wet, it won't even be worth going outside because everything I wear will be ruined. My hair, my make up, my clothes will be wet, I'll get rain in my eyes, and the bottoms of my pants are all wet."
Hour 4: Mug of tea doesn't work. Depression has kicked in and I'm laying in the middle of the floor hating life and everything to do with water, then hating myself for feeling that way.
It just gets worse and worse after that. And obviously, rain was just an example, but I think it does my point justice.
Anyways, it's even worse if I don't have anyone to cuddle with. Physical touch always cheers me up/makes me feel connected and slightly better. Don't know why, but it really works.
Dude, when left alone with something bothering me, give me enough time and I'm more emo than Cloud at the beginning of Advent Children. I swear, you can almost see the colors of my clothes and hair fading to black and straightening themselves. If left with enough time, I bet my eyes would be able to generate copious amounts of dark eyeliner. Then sad music plays in the background over the sound of rain falling.
It gets that bad.
The worst part is, I do it all to myself. It's all in my head.
However, now that I know this about myself, I know exactly what I need to manage to help minimize damage in my relationships. I know this is a part of me that I'll never be able to stomp out.
Hell, I'm one of the most high-strung, over thinking people I know. It's part of what helps me see details really well and make accurate judgements. However, it's detrimental when I'm left up to my own devices with a little bit of information and a free rein.
But it's good that I know this about myself. I know what I need to work on.
Another thing that I've learned, or that has been more imprinted in my mind, is my need to touch and be touched. Especially when dealing with difficult things or having serious conversations. It makes me feel more connected to the person I'm talking with and it helps calm me down or hype me up. I use the other person as a rock for my emotions.
For example, I love talking to my boyfriend about serious things when we're cuddling. He's always so calm about stuff that it keeps me calm, even if part of me wants to freak. I really love that about him.
So yeah. I guess those lyrics to that song is true.
"Out of storm comes strength for tomorrow"
Out of the pain I caused myself, I found new truths. By finding new truths, I feel stronger. Or at least armed and dangerous.
A couple of other things I'd like to talk about that aren't that important. The first is pain.
I have this idea that pain is all in our heads. It's created by us. External pain and internal pain. However, I'm still trying to decide if it's a good idea to shut that off or not. Probably not, but maybe in some situations...
Secondly, and lastly, my old dog.
She's old, and skinny, and smelly. But I love her. I'm a bit worried because she's not eating a lot and she doesn't like to move around much, but she's still up and alert, so I guess I'll push my worries away for now. In this case I must live in the present.
Speaking of that, I need to update my NaNoWriMo word quota.
Love and peace
Elie
I snowball shit when I'm left alone to think about it. And it's not like "Oh it's raining. I guess I'll figure out stuff to do inside."
No. It's like a progress:
Hour 1: "Oh it's raining that's great." Heavily implied sarcasm
Hour 2: "It's still raining and the sky is dark. I wonder if it will let up any time soon. I miss the sun." Slight feeling of depression, nothing a cup of tea can't fix
Hour 3: Here is where if all goes downhill: "It's fucking raining outside. How the hell am I going to go do what I need to do if it's raining? I'll get wet, it won't even be worth going outside because everything I wear will be ruined. My hair, my make up, my clothes will be wet, I'll get rain in my eyes, and the bottoms of my pants are all wet."
Hour 4: Mug of tea doesn't work. Depression has kicked in and I'm laying in the middle of the floor hating life and everything to do with water, then hating myself for feeling that way.
It just gets worse and worse after that. And obviously, rain was just an example, but I think it does my point justice.
Anyways, it's even worse if I don't have anyone to cuddle with. Physical touch always cheers me up/makes me feel connected and slightly better. Don't know why, but it really works.
Dude, when left alone with something bothering me, give me enough time and I'm more emo than Cloud at the beginning of Advent Children. I swear, you can almost see the colors of my clothes and hair fading to black and straightening themselves. If left with enough time, I bet my eyes would be able to generate copious amounts of dark eyeliner. Then sad music plays in the background over the sound of rain falling.
It gets that bad.
The worst part is, I do it all to myself. It's all in my head.
However, now that I know this about myself, I know exactly what I need to manage to help minimize damage in my relationships. I know this is a part of me that I'll never be able to stomp out.
Hell, I'm one of the most high-strung, over thinking people I know. It's part of what helps me see details really well and make accurate judgements. However, it's detrimental when I'm left up to my own devices with a little bit of information and a free rein.
But it's good that I know this about myself. I know what I need to work on.
Another thing that I've learned, or that has been more imprinted in my mind, is my need to touch and be touched. Especially when dealing with difficult things or having serious conversations. It makes me feel more connected to the person I'm talking with and it helps calm me down or hype me up. I use the other person as a rock for my emotions.
For example, I love talking to my boyfriend about serious things when we're cuddling. He's always so calm about stuff that it keeps me calm, even if part of me wants to freak. I really love that about him.
So yeah. I guess those lyrics to that song is true.
"Out of storm comes strength for tomorrow"
Out of the pain I caused myself, I found new truths. By finding new truths, I feel stronger. Or at least armed and dangerous.
A couple of other things I'd like to talk about that aren't that important. The first is pain.
I have this idea that pain is all in our heads. It's created by us. External pain and internal pain. However, I'm still trying to decide if it's a good idea to shut that off or not. Probably not, but maybe in some situations...
Secondly, and lastly, my old dog.
She's old, and skinny, and smelly. But I love her. I'm a bit worried because she's not eating a lot and she doesn't like to move around much, but she's still up and alert, so I guess I'll push my worries away for now. In this case I must live in the present.
Speaking of that, I need to update my NaNoWriMo word quota.
Love and peace
Elie
words
How do you say something, when the words you want to use have been said over and over again? Said too much so they lose their meanings and lie limp on your tongue? Words upon words. Different letters, same useless meaning.
Especially the important ones like I love you, I miss you, and I'm sorry? And every synonym for them?
How do you breathe life into them again?
Especially the important ones like I love you, I miss you, and I'm sorry? And every synonym for them?
How do you breathe life into them again?
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Conflict
I'm so full of conflict right now. I hate myself, I hate this situation.
I hate you for putting me here, for not telling me sooner. For, by trying to make it seem like not a big deal, turned it into a big deal.
I hate myself for over reacting. For not keeping my emotions in check. For over thinking. For feeling like this. For making a small thing into such a big deal.
I hate you for putting me here, for not telling me sooner. For, by trying to make it seem like not a big deal, turned it into a big deal.
I hate myself for over reacting. For not keeping my emotions in check. For over thinking. For feeling like this. For making a small thing into such a big deal.
But I love you.
You tell me to stop worrying.
You should know better.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's strange how a song I've hated for long finally makes sense.
Replies
Amanda, I have a response to your comment under the cut.
Today is fairly busy. I have class and then tons of cleaning and packing to do before work. I've heard that I'll be doing a lot of cleaning since it's the day before the place is closed for break. I don't mind though. Hopefully we won't be really busy because every one has already gone home.
Freshmen do that right? They go home early?
Some other news, there is a wedding on the horizon! I don't know when, but I'm super excited. I got the perfect lipstick. Now all I have to do is find the perfect dress and shoes. Maybe I'll keep my eye out for that in March when the boyfriend and I go shopping together. :)
Alright, I've been putting off this assignment too much. I still need to get ready for class.
Love and Peace!
Elie
P.S. Amanda, your reply is waiting for you.
Today is fairly busy. I have class and then tons of cleaning and packing to do before work. I've heard that I'll be doing a lot of cleaning since it's the day before the place is closed for break. I don't mind though. Hopefully we won't be really busy because every one has already gone home.
Freshmen do that right? They go home early?
Some other news, there is a wedding on the horizon! I don't know when, but I'm super excited. I got the perfect lipstick. Now all I have to do is find the perfect dress and shoes. Maybe I'll keep my eye out for that in March when the boyfriend and I go shopping together. :)
Alright, I've been putting off this assignment too much. I still need to get ready for class.
Love and Peace!
Elie
P.S. Amanda, your reply is waiting for you.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Sunshine
Okay, I know I have a lot of work to do. Trust me.
However.
Watching the history channel talk about evil men of history and curling my hair is a lot more fun. Here is a picture of me and my new hair style:
I really like it. Though maybe it's for a day when I'm not wearing sweats all day. :P
Calligula is one crazy bastard by the way. I'm glad I'm not living in ancient roman times. Actually, I think I'd like to live in ancient Greece, or Sparta.
Oh! There's a whole special on Calligula! 1500 days of TERROR!!
We're gonna be experts on this guy when this day is over.
Now I'm sitting here practicing the fishtail braid on Gretchen as the curls in my hair fall out. Today promises to be a lazy day.
... I'll just get everything done during Thanksgiving break. I mean, a couple of hours a day can't be too painful right?
Well I'm off to get this damn thing right and learn about a famous psychopath.
Love and Peace
P.S. Google plus is better than skype imho.
However.
Watching the history channel talk about evil men of history and curling my hair is a lot more fun. Here is a picture of me and my new hair style:
Calligula is one crazy bastard by the way. I'm glad I'm not living in ancient roman times. Actually, I think I'd like to live in ancient Greece, or Sparta.
Oh! There's a whole special on Calligula! 1500 days of TERROR!!
We're gonna be experts on this guy when this day is over.
Now I'm sitting here practicing the fishtail braid on Gretchen as the curls in my hair fall out. Today promises to be a lazy day.
... I'll just get everything done during Thanksgiving break. I mean, a couple of hours a day can't be too painful right?
Well I'm off to get this damn thing right and learn about a famous psychopath.
Love and Peace
P.S. Google plus is better than skype imho.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Gif set
I slept all day today. Quite literally.
... not sure how I feel about that.
I hope tomorrow I'm more productive. Maybe I won't pump iron and just run around a bit so I'm not so tired when I get back. I'll also be bringing my nook to make running to nowhere a bit more interesting. I also might have a test on Monday that I need to prepare for.
Bring it on Sunday.
... not sure how I feel about that.
I hope tomorrow I'm more productive. Maybe I won't pump iron and just run around a bit so I'm not so tired when I get back. I'll also be bringing my nook to make running to nowhere a bit more interesting. I also might have a test on Monday that I need to prepare for.
Not exactly happy...
I'm not exactly happy right now. Part of me feels like the boyfriend doesn't want to put in the work for this relationship. But he doesn't understand when I tell him that because he wants me to tell him specific things to do and I can't. So we're at an impasse there.
Besides, if I tell him what I want him to do, he's going to do that. But then, will he be doing that because he knows it makes me happy and he wants to do it because it makes me happy, or will he be doing it just to placate me?
I think that's why the letter writing thing bothered me so much. He clearly doesn't like to do it, and now I feel like, whenever he writes me, he's just doing it to pacify me. Not because he wants to make me happy.
Now, I don't even want to do this letter thing anymore. Not when there isn't anything behind it.
Sometimes I feel like he doesn't really miss me. I mean, he probably does, but he never tells me, or does anything to show me that. How else am I supposed to know how he's feeling if he doesn't tell me? He can't touch me, which is what I'd prefer, but since we can't do that and since I'm not getting any affirmations from him, I'm feeling a bit lost and lonely. I feel like I'm putting a lot more emotion and heart into this than he is. Or that he doesn't care as much as I do about us.
Maybe I'm nit-picking because of the distance. Part of me feels like he's getting sick of my insecure shit. But, I feel like I'm left in the dark about how he feels about me and how he feels about being separate. I feel like I'm alone in missing him, and because of that, I feel a bit foolish for missing him as much as I do. Why should I miss him as much as I do, when, I feel, as if I've just become a passing thought in his mind. Something he easily pushes away and doesn't care about.
I'm afraid that if I leave off, or repress my feelings for him so I can live without this constant reminder of him, I'm going fall out of love. That would suck for everyone.
Also, I have a lot of reservations about going to see him this winter. I mean, what if he's not the person I've been missing all this time. Or vice versa. What if this is just an exercise of frustration? I'm also nervous about going to Comiket. I mean, I'm so completely not in the anime world. Part of me is afraid he'll see just how out of place I am and not like that at all. Or, as he's wrapped in his "promised land," I'll just be shunted to the wayside.
Maybe I'm over thinking this too much.
Hopefully, these thoughts will be pushed aside as school picks up for finals or what not. Or better yet, resolved. For the latter, I have to think of exactly what I want to say and how to spell it out so I don't just give my bad mood to him. Lord knows he has a lot more than I do to deal with.
Love and Peace,
Elie
Friday, November 16, 2012
Friday
I had a couple of weird dreams last night. It didn't really start my day off well.
Then, in my new book, one character whose decisions I've been on par with through the series so far, has just tortured a guy.
It's like. Dear goodness woman. Get your shit together. This series is like a futuristic Lord of the Flies... except without the dead pig's head. And every side has a valid point about what's going on. Though Kieran has gone 'round the twist with wanting to keep control. It's one of those books that you have to put down every now and again just to digest what is happening. Curse good authors and their wonderful writings.
Yesterday, at the gym, I tried one of those weight lifting machines. Now my pecs are really really sore. Maybe that's another reason why I just want to lay around all day. I'll probably take a day off from working out this week and just do some stretches and easy going home stuff.
The more I do it, the more I realize this exercise stuff is fun. I mean, it's hard, but it's fun.
I just wish I had this attitude about school.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
More Dreams
Sometimes, I have dreams that make references to other dreams.
Last night, I had a couple of dreams. One was where I was in a hardware store and stumbled across Shawn and Joe. That one was a bit blurry because I've had a few dreams where that's happened.
Then it changed that I was on a road trip with Green. We didn't follow the GPS but ended up taking a road parallel to the one we were supposed to take. It was like, there was a road on top of a cliff, a straight vertical drop down, and then a road along a sandy beach. I was in Green's jeep on that road.
We drove for a bit before she pulled off to the side and we sat in the car, in the sand, and looked back at the houses that lined up behind us.
"I've been here before." I told her. She nodded. "That's the house we broke into."
And indeed, just like in the past dream I had about the place, was the river, and the house. It was white, with an arch over the doorway and carefully sculpted pillars. Though the last time I had been there, it was night.
Then it changed and I was running late to meet the boyfriend. I took a wrong turn and found myself in some underground tunnels, following a GPS in the cap of a sharpie I was carrying. It seemed to lead me into these underground tunnels of a mall that stretched to the coast where I was, all the way to Grand Rapids. As I backed out to find the way I came out of, I found super models on the stairway, looking as lost as I was.
Somehow, I became the leader of a small, rag tag group of really unhelpful people.
We tried to go up the stairs, but a gate was locked. We tried to go down some stairs to get to the way I had come in, but there was a locked gate on those too. We were stuck on the landing with only one door to go through. Slowly, I opened the door into some grody looking alley way. As one, we agreed not to go that way.
Then I woke up.
I'd look everything up, but I need to finish this book before class.
Love and Peace.
Elie
Last night, I had a couple of dreams. One was where I was in a hardware store and stumbled across Shawn and Joe. That one was a bit blurry because I've had a few dreams where that's happened.
Then it changed that I was on a road trip with Green. We didn't follow the GPS but ended up taking a road parallel to the one we were supposed to take. It was like, there was a road on top of a cliff, a straight vertical drop down, and then a road along a sandy beach. I was in Green's jeep on that road.
We drove for a bit before she pulled off to the side and we sat in the car, in the sand, and looked back at the houses that lined up behind us.
"I've been here before." I told her. She nodded. "That's the house we broke into."
And indeed, just like in the past dream I had about the place, was the river, and the house. It was white, with an arch over the doorway and carefully sculpted pillars. Though the last time I had been there, it was night.
Then it changed and I was running late to meet the boyfriend. I took a wrong turn and found myself in some underground tunnels, following a GPS in the cap of a sharpie I was carrying. It seemed to lead me into these underground tunnels of a mall that stretched to the coast where I was, all the way to Grand Rapids. As I backed out to find the way I came out of, I found super models on the stairway, looking as lost as I was.
Somehow, I became the leader of a small, rag tag group of really unhelpful people.
We tried to go up the stairs, but a gate was locked. We tried to go down some stairs to get to the way I had come in, but there was a locked gate on those too. We were stuck on the landing with only one door to go through. Slowly, I opened the door into some grody looking alley way. As one, we agreed not to go that way.
Then I woke up.
I'd look everything up, but I need to finish this book before class.
Love and Peace.
Elie
Monday, November 12, 2012
Stress
I think now until finals I'm just going to want to put a gun in my mouth and get it all over with.
I can't handle how difficult planned parenthood is making this for me. "You need to come in on your period." "Well I'm on my period now..." "Oh, we're all booked up." So I call back later. "I'd like to make an appointment for December when I'm on my period." "Well you have to call when you're on your period." "Last time I did that you were booked." "Well call early."
I'm over being done with them.
Then school. I don't really have any more to say about that.
Work. I am actually starting to like my job, and like the money they pay me. However, I want to do Gymboree too. Maybe there's a way to do both? I dunno. I'll wait and see what she says before trying to work all that in.
NaNoWriMo and letters to the boyfriend. How can I write all that when I need to bust my ass every other day? I need to write around 2,500 words today just to stay on top of things because I just can't write on Wednesdays. I also need to write to the boyfriend because he's that important to me and getting letters is fun.
Right now, a bit of me feels like I'm being swept out to sea without a boat. How am I going to float without anything? Can't I ever get a log or floaties or something?! An inner-tube? Floaties? Something to hold onto?
Of course, this could just be God saying I need to learn to swim better and teaching me by kicking me into a raging sea.
Ugh.
I'm going to go finish some homework and study for a test now.
Love and Peace
Elie
I can't handle how difficult planned parenthood is making this for me. "You need to come in on your period." "Well I'm on my period now..." "Oh, we're all booked up." So I call back later. "I'd like to make an appointment for December when I'm on my period." "Well you have to call when you're on your period." "Last time I did that you were booked." "Well call early."
I'm over being done with them.
Then school. I don't really have any more to say about that.
Work. I am actually starting to like my job, and like the money they pay me. However, I want to do Gymboree too. Maybe there's a way to do both? I dunno. I'll wait and see what she says before trying to work all that in.
NaNoWriMo and letters to the boyfriend. How can I write all that when I need to bust my ass every other day? I need to write around 2,500 words today just to stay on top of things because I just can't write on Wednesdays. I also need to write to the boyfriend because he's that important to me and getting letters is fun.
Right now, a bit of me feels like I'm being swept out to sea without a boat. How am I going to float without anything? Can't I ever get a log or floaties or something?! An inner-tube? Floaties? Something to hold onto?
Of course, this could just be God saying I need to learn to swim better and teaching me by kicking me into a raging sea.
Ugh.
I'm going to go finish some homework and study for a test now.
Love and Peace
Elie
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Lies
The line “A man should never be worth your tears, and the one who is will never make you cry” is a lie. I’ve cried more than I’d like to admit with the boyfriend, but in the end we always work it out. The fact of the matter is that you’re going to cry about things “the man who is worth your tears” does or says. Why? Because boys say and do things that will hurt you without thinking about it. However, what’s important is the fact that you guys work it out and feel a lot better after you cry.
The second lie is the belief in true love and the fact that the world turns around one person and there’s only one person out there for you. That’s not true at all! In fact, with so many people in the world the chances that there is one person that you’re destined to spend the rest of your life with are so small that it’s nearly impossible to think that you’ll find that person.
In fact. It’s more probably that you will encounter multiple people with whom you would have a great, wonderful, and happy life with.
The magic isn’t in finding that “one.” The magic is finding someone that makes you happy, that you fall in love with, and that makes you think “Well, I think I can actually stand this person for the rest of my life.” And then you work on it. The magic comes from the tears that are wiped away after a fight. The magic comes from building the shed in the backyard and smiling at each other as you wipe sweat off your forehead with your t-shirt. The magic comes from watching your partner fall asleep and thinking they’re adorable.
The magic isn’t that swooping feeling you get when you’re frolicking through fields of flowers, cut off from the rest of the world because all you see is each other. Because, that type of frivolous love wears out. What the magic of “true love” is, is the fact that you get messy. Mascara running down your cheeks, eyes bright with anger, voices hoarse from screaming at each other across a room, sort of messy. The magic is that, after all that, you still come back together. You still trust, love, and respect each other. That you work hard to make sure that love, trust, and respect stays as strong as it did when you first met. That it grows into something stable and something you can lean on.
That’s what true love is. It has the ability to tear you to pieces while lifting you up at the same time. It’s not the lies told by Disney and every other romance movie or story that you’ll meet that person destined to be yours. It’s about finding a person who you could stand to be with for the rest of your life and then working on turning that into the romantic relationship that all the stories want us to believe exists without the gritty, hard work that that type of love requires.
Thoughts?
The second lie is the belief in true love and the fact that the world turns around one person and there’s only one person out there for you. That’s not true at all! In fact, with so many people in the world the chances that there is one person that you’re destined to spend the rest of your life with are so small that it’s nearly impossible to think that you’ll find that person.
In fact. It’s more probably that you will encounter multiple people with whom you would have a great, wonderful, and happy life with.
The magic isn’t in finding that “one.” The magic is finding someone that makes you happy, that you fall in love with, and that makes you think “Well, I think I can actually stand this person for the rest of my life.” And then you work on it. The magic comes from the tears that are wiped away after a fight. The magic comes from building the shed in the backyard and smiling at each other as you wipe sweat off your forehead with your t-shirt. The magic comes from watching your partner fall asleep and thinking they’re adorable.
The magic isn’t that swooping feeling you get when you’re frolicking through fields of flowers, cut off from the rest of the world because all you see is each other. Because, that type of frivolous love wears out. What the magic of “true love” is, is the fact that you get messy. Mascara running down your cheeks, eyes bright with anger, voices hoarse from screaming at each other across a room, sort of messy. The magic is that, after all that, you still come back together. You still trust, love, and respect each other. That you work hard to make sure that love, trust, and respect stays as strong as it did when you first met. That it grows into something stable and something you can lean on.
That’s what true love is. It has the ability to tear you to pieces while lifting you up at the same time. It’s not the lies told by Disney and every other romance movie or story that you’ll meet that person destined to be yours. It’s about finding a person who you could stand to be with for the rest of your life and then working on turning that into the romantic relationship that all the stories want us to believe exists without the gritty, hard work that that type of love requires.
Thoughts?
Friday, November 9, 2012
Birth Control
The process for getting an IUD fucking sucks. I just either want to do it now and get it over with, or just tear my uterus out.
I am so done with this.
I am so done with this.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
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