Looking Up

Today I worked for four and a half hours, then for another hour and a half. Now I'm home until 7:30. At that time I'll pick myself off the seating apparatus I've been resting on, put back on my work uniform and then stand in front of a register until 12:30 tomorrow morning. 

It's a good thing that I don't mind what I'm doing or that I have a goal I'm working towards. 

However, between work and school and OWMC, I don't have much of a social life. In fact, I'm becoming rather boring and ornery. Though I do keep having interesting dreams. Last night I had a Harry Potter themed dream that was pretty rad. But now I'm going off topic. 

The title is called "Looking Up" for a reason. That reason being, I feel as if I've hit the very most bottom that I feel right now. Between missing Neal, stressing out over school, worrying about being able to go to Japan, and making sure I do a good job at work I've fallen into a sort of... I'm not sure what to call it. Depression is too much of what I'm feeling. I just feel low.

Like I can pick myself up when I have to go out and be with people, but when it's time for bed or when I'm by myself, holding myself together gets harder and harder. However, there's a bright side to this. I don't think that I can sink any lower. I don't know if things will get any easier, but I know I can get used to this and then use it to bounce back from. 

Until I'm strong enough to do that, I'll just bide my time from the bottom of this chasm and feel the light on my face. Sun or star. Then, when I can, I'll fly. 

Elle